Back on these forums again 5

[Ancaire]

Mona - you are absolutely incredible. What a busy, busy life you lead, and you comment you feel you're sitting still?!?

Good grief. I wouldn't be able to keep up with you!

I really, really hope you win the fellowship. That would be so freaking amazing...and we'd get to say we knew you back when....LOL

[Mona52]

Hi Gmum,

I dont think I want help. Most people (moms) do what I do. Kids to sports, dinner, dishes, laundry, exercise. I just added a little school work, and I finished that here at my actual job (shhh). Oh, and packing the house. That doesn't sound like too much if you think about it. Maybe it was just the way I listed it that made it sound like alot. I had to list it in order so I can systematically get each one done at a time so I dont drop the ball.

I can get my kids to help with the cleaning, but sometimes that is more work than just doing it. And I need that additional boost to my PMA to just get it done myself. I can check it off my list and be pleased instead of anxious.

[Mona52]

Ended the day great yesterday. I got everything done, plus I steamed cleaned the living room. And I hung my mother's door...

I tried to tell my mother, calling my H for her home repairs will never work, but she does not listen. The day she had him and my sis over, she had him remove her bedroom door and glue it because it had cracked.

I installed the door last night, now it will not close. There is goobs of hard glue around the frame and they prevent the door from shutting. I will fix it today and maybe she will listen.

My D17 told me my H asked if she was busy on Saturday. Wow! She is busy so he is not seeing her, but hey, he asked, right? He did not ask the other 2 kids, but baby steps are baby steps.

D17 was talking to me yesterday about how she can sleep over and bring the xbox to play with him and what snacks she could take.

D15 wants nothing at all to do with him. She gets furious every time he is near, which is never. So I had a talk with her last night. It was perfect timing. She is a good girl with a huge heart. She would rather die than hurt my feelings. We had to go do work packing up our old house yesterday, which is dusty and messy work. She still had her school uniform on. I made her go change and she got really mad at me. She threw a mini teen tantrum. She never gets mad, so I just let it go.

Later, I was trying to explain that we need to be supportive and understanding towards daddy because he is going through issues right now. I told her that one day he will see what he is doing and on that day he will need love and support. I told her that daddy is human and everyone is allowed to go crazy if they need to. I reminded her that just today she got really mad at me when she was not right. It was that sentence that turned on the light bulb for her.

I think she needed someone to give her permission to forgive her father. I think she felt like she was betraying me if she loved him because of what he has done to me. No one else could have given her that permission, except for me and herself. So yesterday was a great day all around.

Oh, and I slept like a baby. I was so tired when I climbed into bed and just top be sure I drank a beer and it worked like a charm. No men climbed in my head to keep me awake. Actually, I got a new rubik's cube for christmas. There are no colors on it, just shapes. It is called a mirror cube. My brain was full of mirror cube thoughts, lol. Yes, I am pathetic.

[Gmum]

No, you are amazing.
And a great mother too.

I may have to join you at those parties soon. Need someone other than my stbx keeping me up at night.

[job]

Mona,
You've accomplished quite a bit this week from working, to school work, being a mother and now a handy person to fixing things for your mother. Try to carve out a bit of time for yourself or you are going to burn yourself out.

I think your conversation w/your daughter was very good. I hope and pray that your h finds his way and reconnections w/his children and be the father they need...but it will take some time and a whole lot of patience.

Keep up the good work!

[Mona52]

Gmum, It sounds like you live on the east coast, maybe you are not too far and i can swing by and pick you up, lol. What is a 3 or 4 hour car ride if you get to dance for an hour or 2 (okay 4 hours), then a 3 or 4 hour car ride back, LOL


(You probably live in California and I am wayyyy off!)

I cant imagine us 2 together at a singles dance. Those poor poor men wont know what hit them. I know I would have a total blast.

Yes, the guys do keep me up at nights sometimes, but I am grateful for it. Gone are the days where I spend my nights praying God will restore my M. Gone are the pointless hours of me going over every word he said to me and what it might mean.

At the last dance, a song came on that I have never heard before. Misty by Johnny Mathis. In my defense I was only days old when this song came out. So when the band started playing it, I told my dance partner I have never heard this song before.

I thought I knew practically every oldie, because I LOVE oldies. So it is rare that I come across one I dont know. The band was only playing the music for Misty, which is a kinda slow song. When he heard I did not know the song, he pulled me closer and sang it to me while we were dancing. It was so sweet.

Yesterday, when I was driving home from work, I threw the song on my phone (thanks YouTube) and I just could not stop smiling thinking of the dance. It doesnt mean anything. I am not gonna marry the guy. But instead of driving home thinking that I am alone, and I will be alone for the rest of my life, or thinking about the millions of ways OW is better at things than me, or thinking about how my bills are suddenly piling up because of christmas, or thinking that I have a ton of things to do for the kids tonight (dinner, homework, laundry blah blah blah) and no shoulder to lean on, I was smiling from ear to ear remembering strong arms and a silly voice singing and old song in my ear.

Gmum, I dearly wish you lived closer. It would be great to go out with someone more my age. My friends are all 65 and older. I love them to death! They have more life in them than most younger people I know and I would not trade them in for anything, but they still think in a lot of old fashion ways and they do not completely understand my generation. Yes, I know I am probably way older than you, lol, but a girl can pretend, cant she?

[Mona52]

Mona,
You've accomplished quite a bit this week from working, to school work, being a mother and now a handy person to fixing things for your mother. Try to carve out a bit of time for yourself or you are going to burn yourself out.

I think your conversation w/your daughter was very good. I hope and pray that your h finds his way and reconnections w/his children and be the father they need...but it will take some time and a whole lot of patience.

Keep up the good work!

(((job)))

Did I ever tell you that you are my rock????
I know I dont always listen (sorry!) but I hear every word you say.

You said something a little bit ago that really lifted a load off of me. I have a fear of stopping fighting for my M because it would be like me saying I was wrong the last 20 years for staying with him. You flat out said I was not wrong for the last 20 years. It is weird, but just hearing that sentence really made me feel so much better about things.

My one friend Diane is about to turn 70. To me, that is crazy because she is just like me. 2 peas in a pod. We are almost inseparable some nights. When she told me she was about to turn 70, it really hit me. She is 30 years older than me! I have only been with H for 20 years. I still have a good 40 or 50 years of partying. I can easily start a new life if I do decide to drop my H for good. It does not mean that the last 20 were a mistake. And now that I have perspective, I should not just hang in there because I have spent the last 20 years with him. 20 years is no time at all compared to what I have left.

I still believe in my H. I completely believe in the DB process. I am not ready to throw in the towel. I have set up my life so he cannot hurt me financially or emotionally as he once had the power to do. But the door is only being left ajar.

I am moving forward full steam ahead and it is completely possible he will miss this boat, and I am OK with that.

Now, you mentioned time for me. Something I can do so I wont burn out. Any suggestions? My mind is drawing a complete blank. Like a massage maybe?

[Ancaire]

Well, a massage sounds like heaven! A lovely warm room, with lovely warm oils, and strong capable hands kneading the stress and cares of the day away....ahhh

That sounds like a great idea, Mona.

You didn't waste any time at all. It is your life. It's how you lived it. 20 years is a long time, but not so long when you look at your lifespan, which you just did.

I just finally got over wishing the last 20 years away. I have 5 lovely children, a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law, and my first grandchild! None of which would be my reality without the last 20 years. I somehow know, deep in my gut, the day is going to come when H is going to regret his choices.

I don't know where I'll be when that day arrives. My plan at the moment is to stand for my M, but things change. I'm just going to focus on me, live life to the fullest, and see what life brings me.

[Mona52]

I know just what we can do so we do not burn out! We should gather a gaggle of girls from the boards here, me, Gmum, Judy, Fo, Jelly, everyone, but sorry guys, girls only, we can pile into a bus and when mut's W is in her 'angry mood' we can invade his house, pamper the he|| out of him for 2 hours then just leave. HA!

OMG I am just going to picture the look on her face for a few more minutes

mut, I mean absolutely no disrespect to your W. We would certainly kill her with kindness the whole time we are pampering you!

[Mona52]

I have a stupid confession. I broke a rule that I know better than breaking and even though nothing bad happened and I could easily not post my stupidness, I want to come clean so I dont make it a habit.

No snooping. I have become a freaking MASTER at this. I deleted and disconnected every single way I could snoop on him. I removed myself from the family cell phone plan, I blocked facebook, I deleted everything in MY computer that could log into any of his accounts.

But, the other day my S was having password problems and he opened up my H's email by accident on his PC. That was how I saw how much cr@p he purchased OW in Dec. And how I got her name and address.

That was not my fault, I did not go snooping.

Today, I went snooping. On purpose. To see what else he was buying for her. Stupid Mona.

I guess the good news is that he was purchasing something new for her almost every day in December. (Maybe he took Sundays off to rest, because there were a few days he did not ship something to her house). It seems he abruptly stopped and has not bought her a single item since before Christmas. Actually, it has been 14 whole days since he bought her anything.

I KNOW! IT DOES NOT MATTER! He can buy her something every day or not at all. It does not matter one bit!

Him buying her something is not my issues right now. My issues are I should be doing school work right now and I am stuck on these forums, lol

Okay, yell at me all you want. I will not snoop again. I know better. i know! I will make a deal with myself, every time I think of snooping (which is really rare anymore), I will play Misty on YouTube to distract myself. That will help me pull my mind off a man that is years away from looking in my direction.