Hey man, so this is what my wife admitted to me. Some of her anger and depression was at herself. She was tearing apart the family, chose an OM very poorly etc. Some was at OM who became a burden. A lot was at me for not changing before she made her mistake etc. What attracted her to me again though was staying the course. She was in a sht storm and saw consistency in me. That was the turning point, that's why you need to shake off her moods. She wants to unnerve you and also likes the drama now. But it will get old. In my case detachment was really hard especially bc I couldn't detach physically. I actually needed to be more present. My 2nd bd was over a month ago. It confirmed all of my suspicions but was actually good for R. It was her coming clean and actually being remorseful. Now it's my anger I got to work through, but r and w are there thankfully. Oh and your wifes om? Ignore the not a pa lie. Start coming to terms with it earlier than later. Sorry man. Happy new year. You can do this.
