Wait in the home or move out?

[runn79r]

Just a bit of an update and looking for feedback and advice. Not sure if I should post this here or elsewhere, let me know.

So I've decided to stay in the house and not give up my position. I've been following the advice of the DB coach and have been working of the friendship, positive interactions, 180's, family time etc. Wife has stated she isn't going to make any major changes until we've been separated for the year which is in September. That means not moving in with the OM, not introducing him to our daughter or being public with their relationship. She has asked that I do the same if I enter into another relationship but admits she's in no position to make any requests of me.

She and her extended family invited me to a couple of gatherings over the holidays and everything went very well. She's noted that there has been some jealousy from the OM of our relationship together, which she has told him he will just have to deal with because she wants to make sure we have a good relationship for our daughter. She also still tells us both that she isn't going to commit to one or the other because she is conflicted and doesn't know what to do. She's been experiencing pretty heavy guilt and the OM has been putting some pressure on her to take their relationship to the next level. She typically doesn't respond well to that.

Last night we had an interesting conversation where she admitted that lately she is becoming sensitive/empathetic to all the hurt she's caused. Some of this may be due to the fact that I've been talking about dating and have been going out quite a bit so she's worried about losing me as an option before she's figured things out. She understands how completely unfair she's been in the whole thing and her expectations, she's just willing to live with the consequences of her potentially bad choices. She also finally admitted that it wasn't my fault that she had the affair, that the marriage was in a better place than it had been in a long time. The bottom line is that she loves two men and doesn't know what to do about it, that we fill her needs in different ways and she doesn't want to lose either. She say's she never fell out of love with me and never questioned my love or loyalty for her. She admits to feeling hurt that I could go on to love someone else instead of her, even though it's a ridiculous expectation.

So my question is:
Keep on the path the coach has advised, work on the friendship and relationship and wait for the affair with the OM to break down, for the romantic infatuation to wear off? I'm sure this is what she is clinging to and frankly by keeping the affair from developing further she is attempting to preserve this stage as long as possible. I think this is probably the best way but it allows her to cake-eat and stay in limbo.

Or go Sandy's route and restrict her access to the benefits of our relationship as long as she chooses to continue the affair. Losing access to that portion of her needs being met may tear her apart and end the affair or it may drive her to the OM as the only option left to her. She's pretty stubborn and resolved and has always been one to revolt against authoritative or parental type pressure. That's part of why she is so firm in not making nay decisions to further things either way at this point. She would rather wait for the answer to come to her, but it's good to hear she has set a personal deadline later this year.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for the help.