Moving Ahead - In the UK - Huddy (pt16)

[Huddy]

Hi IS

Hope you're doing OK. It's gonna be tough, but you will get through this.

Practical matters need to be at the front of your planning right now. It'll be difficult to avoid the emotional grief, but you have to get your head together or you will be a physical and mental wreck which will be no good for you or your kids.

My W went to a L to try and force me to get a separation agreement. Now the law in the rest of the UK might be slightly different, but here in Scotland, if you enter in to one, they are administered by the court, and only a Sheriff (Judge) can alter the terms. Well, that didn't suit me, so I decided not to sign. That is perfectly within your rights, but you have to make sure you're not gonna get $crewed over by your W. Who pays the bills? Who earns the money? Who's taking responsibility for the kids? If you can't agree this mutually, then I would suggest that you get one. I would also suggest you get legal advice. I waited, thinking like all LBS's that your W will just spring back - don't. This is time for action. You don't have to carry out any recommendations, but knowledge is power.

Financially, we have sold the house, paid off our dues and split what's left. As for maintenance payments etc., there is a formula on the .gov website that tells you how much you are legally require to pay. In my case I simply quoted this to my W; she wasn't happy as she seemed to think she should be getting a whole lot more, but I told her if she wanted to challenge the amount, as the aggressor, she would have to pay the costs and on-going costs. Trust me, they soon back down when you show how serious you are and that you are confident in the knowledge that you have. My bud NDY told me this and it worked. Knowledge and confidence is the key. Heed the words of sandi2 about confidence.

I believe the two year rule starts from the quoted day of separation. This also applies to things like pensions etc.. This is worth knowing as if it does come to a D, your W will only be entitled to 50% of your pension from the day you got married to the day you separated, and no more. So, let's say you are now separated (if that's a mutually agreed date and it's documented) and you get a massive chunk of money put in to your pension, she would not be able to claim on that slice. If this makes sense, good, if not, again check out the pension section of the .gov website and talk to your L.

Again, the law may vary in the rest of the UK, but as long as there is no abuse etc., you can go for a divorce after one year in Scotland, as long as both parties agree, or it can be progressed by either of you after two years. Note, unless you have agreed childcare arrangements, you will be legally required to attend counselling to ensure the children's welfare. You will not be granted any kind of separation or divorce until the children's future is secure. If either of you can't agree, the court will decide. Beware, this is hideously expensive, so try and agree beforehand.

All the online stuff is on the .gov site and I think there is a site called 'single dads' or something like that. Try and avoid the Dad's Justice stuff as there are a lot of people on there who is very bitter and spout nonsense.

I don't know about a couple connection site - me and NDY have met and had a beer, and intend to meet again.

Hopefully you're not gonna need all this stuff, but for now, youneed to take back some of the initiative and don't be bullied by your W in to anything that you don't want. Remember, it's your life and you need to be happy 12/18 months down the line.

Hope this helps.