I'm new on these boards and just started going through this so I'm no expert on these things. My strategy from probably one too many yoga classes and watching Oprah shows since I was 13, is to get excited about little things to take my mind off H and what I think he might be doing. It can be anything - I got lots of green lights on the way back home, sleeping through the night, finding a good book, someone was unexpectedly nice at work, vegan banana bread finally turned out ok, my cat behaved like a dog instead of cat, something funny someone did or on tv, I talked to someone about my crazy idea of taking flying lessons and they didn't laugh and told me to go for it.
Life is in the ordinary moments (I told H this when we talked before he walked out but he doesn't see it). I probably saw this on an Oprah special but it rings true for me.
I don't think you can force yourself to get excited all of a sudden especially from a situation like this one.
I use what I call yoga wisdom to get through the day. Sometimes its day by day, other times its hour by hour. I consciously ask myself to find something good in the day, only one thing. Then I hope that it snowballs into feeling better.
I also like the lines in the poem Invictus: "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." I repeat the lines to myself as a mantra especially when I'm having a hard time.
About changing yourself - a counsellor told me that yes, humans can change but if I decide to change solely for H and not be true to myself then to keep him I'd have to keep this change and would have to pretend for the rest of my life (she asked whether I was prepared to keep a fake self up for 30+ years). Not easy advice to take because all I want is H back now (never have any patience for anything).
I don't have any children myself but from a daughter's perspective I can speak about the changes I've seen in my mom in the last 5-10 years. When my sister and I were growing up, mom didn't have any time for herself - it was work, clean, cook and repeat. In these last years at work (she retires from teaching this year), she's become friends with one of the art teachers (female) and they now go to museums, restaurants, etc. Mom wouldn't have done any of this when she was younger. She now enjoys weird modern art. She took a chance on trying new things. Her new philosophy is that she'll try anything at least once.
Maybe you can try something new in little steps. If you don't like it then you don't have to try it again. It might lead you to discover joy in unexpected places. I know that it has for me and it has for my mom.
