I am sorry to read your struggle and commend you for the road you are taking to heal your vulnerabilities and the hurt from your FOO (Family Of Origin) issues. It is not easy work and can be overwhelming. Your struggles are understood here.
I am sorry to that you are at this time not feeling the intent of Zues' and Azzork's words and comments. You have been fortunate enough to have been singled out by them to receive their wise counsel and guidance. Many here would consider it a privilege. Please do take that to mean you have to experience them that way. But I want you to know a little bit of the men you have supporting you.
I personally don't know Azzork's story very well, but I do know him to be honest, clear and respectful to those he offers his support to. He is a man who keeps us forward focussed and keeping DB goals and philosophy true to every action in our day to day lives. He supports people to work their plan.
Zues out of all the boaders/posters here, he likely knows more than anyone the journey you are on as your describe it above. Read his threads. His struggle, his work, his change is out there for you to read. If Zues could prevent all of us struggling and being in pain from this journey, he would. In fact he does. Zues shares his knowledge willingly, with integrity and vulnerability. He makes an example of himself so others can thrive and avoid pain.
JGuy between Azzork and Zues you have a wealth of experience and knowledge. They have fallen in all the holes, have made all of the mistakes and have overcome and are good solid men. If they are giving you a DBng 2x4, they likely are seeing something you are not. And JGuy we all get them, and we all need them. Otherwise we would all keeping doing what we have always done, getting what we have always gotten.
We all feel hurt, in pain, vulnerable, exposed, under fire and overwhelmed, particularly when this process raises historical hurt and pain from our childhood. I know what I am talking about JGuy- me more than anyone understands this.
Please hang in there with the advice and support you are being given by these two good men.
Alternatively the joy of discovering yourself through IC, through co-dependency and FOO work, is that you learn you have choices about what to take on board and what to let go of. Either way there are so many lessons to be had.
JGuy you are at the beginning of this journey, please breathe, take your time, and keep posting. I am pleased to see you giving your uncensored account of your experience. There is no point being here if you don't. For me this was a brilliant exchange of learning and becoming a man only a fool would leave.
I will keep following you JGuy because I am interested to see where this journey takes you.
I posted this evening because I wanted you to know that this is not a cold and cruel place. You don't know my journey and I don't expect you to. But of all the places I have been in my life and f**k I have been some awful, lonely cruel places. This JGuy isn't it.
Much love and light as you continue your journey JGuy. I hope you keep posting.
