You will survive this

[Albuquerque]

I haven't posted in many years so I haven't read anybody's posts in a long time. However, I have no doubt that the posts are very similar to those that I made and that I read when I frequented this site many years ago. I first found this site in 2010 when my H was going through his MLC. He had an OW and we separated. You can probably find my posts if you look. I learned so much from this site and made some great friends that I still have today.

The biggest word of advice I can make to any of you going through the pain of MLC is that you WILL survive this. I know it may feel like the worst type of pain and seem insurmountable. But you will survive. And if you follow the advice given on this site, you will thrive. I met three people in particular from this site that were going through similar issues. We supported each other through our trials and tribulations. Some still had hope for their marriages and some knew their marriage was over but still had problems. Over the years, I have watched these folks move on from the pain that MLC caused. Over the years, all of their marriages ended. Despite the odds stacked against me, my marriage survived. My H slowly woke up from the MLC fog and we had many years of reparations and renewals. Over the years, my three friends found new loves and I see them regularly post about how well they are all doing with their new found loves. Their relationships are much healthier and the people are all much happier as a result. This doesn't mean they didn't feel the pain of the divorce any less. It's just that moving on was still the right thing to do.

Many on this site would look at me as the rare "success" and the other people as examples of good "failures". But we are all successes because we took what we learned from this site and used it to make our future relationships more healthy. My friends happiness is evident. I'd be lying if I didn't question whether my own marriage was WORTH saving sometimes. Seeing them be able to start fresh has a lot of benefits. Dealing with a recovering MLCer for years was not easy and took an enormous amount of patience. But here we are, nearly 6 years later. I am so happy to see their healthy relationships and hope that anyone reading will realize that saving a marriage can NOT be your goal. Saving yourself is the goal. Be better. Learn more. Be true to you. And you WILL survive this. You in 5 years may not be the picture that you hope for now. But if you follow the advice, that picture will be great.