MB - I understand what you've found to be true, as well. I really didn't want to believe it was MLC. I wanted it to be anything else but that...the facts of MLC are just so darned depressing. I know I'm in for a very long wait. I love H enough to wait. In the meantime, I get to be all about me! I have never had the opportunity I have now. My kids are all grown, and I just get to work on the one person I can actually control - and to be honest, I'm kind of excited about it.
All the work I have to do is taking my focus off this awful situation, and allowing me to move forward (which, incidentally, this site advises is the single best way to ever get a chance of R with H.) I am ready to move forward now. I've done the best I could to salvage things, and true to MLC...there is no salvage right now.
An alien has taken over my H's body. It's hard, because sometimes he sounds so sane. But the spew, the rewriting of our lives, the fact everything wrong in his life is all my fault? Classic MLC.
I'll go insane if I try and keep up with H and what he's doing - so I'm not going to do that. I've told him I love him and forgive him. He just doesn't want to believe me at the moment, because it wouldn't allow him to do what he seems driven to do.
I won't be saying it again unless and until he comes back with some sincere remorse. I'm fine with that. After all this, the last thing I want is another R for a really, really long time. This has wounded me in a way I could never have imagined. I had older scars already...so now's as good a time as any to address all the crap I just ignored. Best for me...best for H.
I trust in the process. I think I'm going to be okay. As you know, I had a rough one today - but I've already begun to bounce back. It is what it is.
I'm just so very grateful for this board, and all the wonderful people here. I would have lost my mind for more than just a brief while if it hadn't been for my friends here.
