Hey just wanted to stop by and say thanks for the post on my page. I appreciate the inspiration.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
You get good and angry, enjoy it, the screaming banshee part, you found her. She is now part of your team.
You will need that anger to heal.
He didn't record it, you got that which you wanted. All good to me.
You found your voice. When you are in control anger is your friend. Manage it and it will do you the greatest favour.
Now NC means NC. Keep your buttons out of pressing range. As for the newspaper stuff, look how the celebrities deal with it. You are a celebrity now. Smile at the cameras, go glam with dark glasses.
I am pleased about your heart, you may not understand but healing FOO will mend many things. It all starts with the nervous system.
Want to bet the next thing is bursts of energy? That's what righteous anger does. Make sure you eat very well indeed, you will need lots of vitamin B.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/06/1612:20 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
LOL - I did make him stop recording me, because I saw him touch his phone as soon as I showed up in the doorway. I refused to discuss anything with him as long as he had that running, and he was insistent on addressing his ill-feelings right that minute. So, I just stood there, refusing to speak, until he stopped recording.
I made him prove it was off, and set the phone far away from him so I'd see if he tried to turn it back on. He was one PO'd H - but I refused to answer his demands as long as he was recording me. I did NOT know it was going to turn into WW3. I didn't lose it right away after that, either. It took a while listening to his spew before I'd had it.
I just don't like it when he baits me when he's recording me, and I won't do it anymore. He wouldn't want L to hear what I had to say in any case. None of it was very flattering to him.
I've had screaming banshee before, remember? But that one was out of control. This one was good and mad. I really, really tried getting him redirected, but he just wouldn't stop with his spew. Then finally, I had spew of my own, and he was shocked. Then he was hurt. I didn't feel so great about that, but he doesn't bother about my feelings when he's busy taking my inventory.
At the very least, I think he's going to stop attempting to manipulate me. He has suddenly remembered I have a brain. I'm not holding my breath, but he realizes I can work with him, or really drag this out forever. I don't want that, and neither does he.
I am going to start with the whole DB approach because I feel I should...
Dont let them bait you... rise above their craziness...
Ok, got that out of the way.
Now, I am so envious right now. Everything you said to him are identical words to what I want to say to my H! Oh why Oh why cant I go ape sh!t on jerkface like that. grrrrrrrr
Today you are probably feeling GUILTY because you might have hurt HIS feelings. DONT! YOu are smart enough that you know you have to find a way to NOT scream at him. You read the MLC boards and you know that they are running from anyone who sounds like they are mothering them. When you point out his millions of flaws, you are acting like his mother. You know this will make him run further away. But, just this once, dont let yourself feel guilt. We all wish we could do what you have done. Chalk it up as one bad night and continue your DBing.
In the last few days, my H really tried to financially throw me under his bus. I am also stuck holding a few bags that are kinda heavy for me. I want so bad to just go off on him and tell him how I feel about him, exactly like you did. Instead, the last text I sent the jerk was a thank you for fixing a light. His reply was worth it ( Yw ) That stupid freaking smiley face feels stupidly better than the relief I would feel if I let him know what a piece of cr@p I think he is.
Maybe a goal now of having 3 positive interactions with your H without any fight might help move things in a slightly more positive direction?
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Mona, you're going to be shocked. I don't feel that badly. I wish I hadn't done it, because it reinforces his negative view of me. I apologized. I told him I was shocked I had all that bubbling beneath the surface.
Then we went on to calmly discuss what I went in there for in the first place. I'm working very hard with him to come up with an amicable agreement. I just want out of here. I know I should hold out for all I can - but this situation is untenable. I don't want to do it anymore.
His attacks hurt me. I just want to figure out my needs, get him onboard, and move on and start taking care of myself. He was under the impression I was trying to get him to have to pay for me forever.
I don't know why he thought that. He made an assumption based on me looking into disability, I think. It had nothing to do with him. I didn't know for sure if I wanted to go ahead and acknowledge that I'm unhealthy and go that route, or if I wanted to grab life by the tail and grab on for the ride.
I've since made up my mind I want to put plans in place that get me healthy and taking care of myself. I'll need help to get there. He calmed way down once I managed to convince him I wasn't dragging my feet in order to screw him over. I don't want him to be linked to me forever by force.
After checking into government aid, I decided it is more trouble than it was worth. If I can get to a point of health I can manage on my own, it'll be far, far better for me. And I get to keep my pride and self-respect. I just wasn't sure for a while which would be the best way to begin.
I plan to ask him for reasonable help to get me into my own place, support while I get healthy enough to work full-time, and then start needing less each year until I'm fully self-reliant. He wasn't aware of that, because until I decided recently that there would be no "working it out", I had no real plan in place.
Once I accepted the inevitable, I started coming up with concrete goals and ideas. It took as long as it took for me to accept we were going to be divorced. It made him angry it wasn't on his timetable, but that's too damn bad. He blindsided me, and forced me down a path I never saw coming. I've raised 5 children, moved over and over and over again, to support his career. He owes me help to get on my own two feet. He's just mad about it.
I think his plan was to put me out with nothing, and drop me off at my mother's house. I decided that's not what I want, and not what I'm going to do. I'm showing some backbone, finally.
I'm not all that mad. Sad that it came to this, but excited for the opportunities coming my way. I'm going to address issues I've been putting off once and for all. I'm going to get myself in a position that I am never, ever this helpless again. I'm going to lose weight I actually put on to hide in the background. I'm going to be the best I can be. I am going to have a great life - with or without H.
No matter what the future brings, this is best for me. I'm excited and ready to get started. Most of my friends will suggest I take him to court for everything I'm legally due. I just don't want to do that - not for him. For me.
Speaking of MLC, during his spew yesterday, I was flat-out stunned by the way he's rewritten our past together. He was telling me about different kids' events he thinks he went to by himself. I promise you, that never happened. I was there, for every single one. But he absolutely doesn't remember me being there.
He was pointing out one event in particular I have crystal clear memory of. He was insisting he was by himself. I told him, no, he wasn't, I was there. He asked, "Well, where were you sitting, then?" My lovely response? "I was sitting right next to you, moron!" You should have seen the look on his face! I don't know if he was more shocked I was there, and he couldn't remember, or if he was shocked I was calling him names.
Since the fight, we've exchanged pleasant texts and e-mails. We discussed a few things face to face very politely. I meant it when I apologized. I didn't mean to go off like that. After I cleared up the assumptions he was incorrectly making, he got a lot nicer, too. He's run a few errands for me. I'd say we're interacting very pleasantly now. Better than we have in a long while.
The fact I'm ready to move on has taken so much pressure off him. It's taken a lot off me, too. Until his brain comes back online, I'll be the enemy. I don't deserve that position, or want it. I'm kind, will continue to be kind, and will treat him with respect and ...kindness! LOL
I'm glad you don't feel bad about this interaction, Ancaire! I think it was probably long overdue.
Also very happy that you can work towards better health. I struggled with heart skipping and racing for years - turned out to be food intolerances combined with untreated thyroid problems. Stress of course made it worse. Be very gentle with yourself when you start working out.
It's really amazing how they can re-write history. I know my memory isn't perfect, but H systematically has erased the good I did and made up events that make me look bad. He insisted a few days ago that he had made a bunch of loan payments for me - it was completely false, but it took quite a bit to convince him, and I'm still not sure he actually believes me. I'd be curious to know the mechanisms behind it - I understand the motivation, but actually fabricating events?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I wonder if anyone actually knows the mechanism behind the rewriting of history? It's an interesting question. My H has basically painted himself as a single father. The kids and I have very, very different memories. I know he really believes what he is saying. Is it part of MLC brain-wiring? Do they ever get the real memories back? How does it happen and why?
I need to go check out some MLC blogs again to see if there's an answer for that. It is absolutely bizarre. The memory in question is so clear, I even remember what I wore, even though it was 2005. Our twins were with us, too. Yet he remembers sitting there all on his lonesome.
I've got nothing. I don't understand it at all.
Yes - I will be careful starting out. Since my blood pressure is still sky-high, I kind of have to. No risking a stroke for me! Cardiologist says the high blood pressure is definitely an issue. I get to keep the palpitations. It's part and parcel of the heart failure. Once you get them, they are there for life. The trick is to keep them from getting worse.
Right after BD, I totally surprised myself. I was walking every day to keep my sanity. I went from barely being able to slow walk 1/4 mile to cruising through 3 miles at a go! I don't think it'll take much to get me back to that. I'm going to look into starting yoga from home. It's too cold outside for me at the moment, so walking is out for a bit. I think yoga is nice, gentle and will get me moving again.
The day of my BD in April. I completely lost in on H. I called him every name in the book and listed every one of his flaws as a H and a human being. Apparently I even wished he was dead (I don't remember that, but I could see myself saying that).
I was angry and hurt and I wanted him to hurt as well. I know I did hurt him.
I have since apologized for my outburst. I don't usually fight. I don't like yelling or screaming. H and I have never fought like that and I hope we never will again.
Sometimes we just snap from all the bulls**t we are thrown at. We are all human.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
) That stupid freaking smiley face feels stupidly better than the relief I would feel if I let him know what a piece of cr@p I think he is.