I'm sorry you are here, but it's a great forum and the people are very supportive of one another.
Even though you want to work things out, you must also protect yourself financially. Contact a lawyer for a consultation. You can generally find some that offer free consultations. You need to know what your rights are. Also ask about changing the locks. Each state has a different law about such things. If you don't have an alarm system, I would seriously think about getting one and do not give your alarm code to anyone. This protects you, the items in your home and your cat.
He's gone. He's most likely been thinking about doing this for quite some time, i.e., generally 18-24 months prior to dropping the bomb on you. He's unhappy, therefore, you are the reason for that unhappiness. The excuses he gave you are just that...excuses. If he was so darn unhappy, he would have left a long, long time ago.
Is there another ow? Most likely yes. I would also keep my eyes and ears open because your former friend just may be the ow. It could be an emotional affair at this time, but time will reveal all if you sit quietly and patiently.
The counselor is correct, if you are making changes to please him, then you are going to have to continue living a lie for the rest of your life if you are w/him. If you make changes, make then for YOU. You have to figure out what is real and what is Memorex when it comes to his so called complaints. The changes you make must become permanent...so do whatever makes YOU happy, not him.
You can't reason w/him because right now, he's not rational and no matter how much you attempt to talk to him about the situation, he'll either come up w/additional complaints and have you pretzeling all over the place or shut down and not have any contact w/you at all. You have to remember, you can't control him and you can't fix him because you didn't break him.
It's not you...but it's definitely him. They expect us to be mind readers and aren't. How were we suppose to know that they were so unhappy when they never spoke to us about what was going on? Please don't beat yourself up. You certainly didn't have a crystal ball that alerted you when you should have been jumping through hoops to keep him happy.
For now, protect yourself financially, watch the bills coming in to make sure you don't get socked w/large debts that are his. Also, make sure you get plenty of rest, eat properly and drink plenty of fluids. The MLC crisis is a stressor and it looks like you are finding ways to help w/the stress.
Dealing w/a MLCer is not a sprint, but a marathon race. It takes years for them to get through it, if they even do.
Try to keep the focus on you and your little fur baby. Come here to vent, ask questions or just to touch base w/the posters.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
