I know it stinks....take a few moments to yell out FUMFR!!! and then deep breath. You got this!! you made it through that moment and look at you now offering hope to others if not hope...comfort. This too shall pass
It might be a good thing to go to court. Surely the case will thrown out when all the facts (how the medication affected you, your H antagonizing you etc) come out. I'm confident you'll be vindicated.
Sorry to appear a bit upbeat but you mentioned that the news reported that he was cheating, I know it doesn't put you in a good light, but everyone who has suffered from betrayal can understand your pain and won't judge you.
Now regarding him being labelled as a cheating spouse, isn't Karma? As I bet your H told a lot of lies to relatives and other people, but now the truth is out there, so it is making him look really bad. My guess is that his pride has been hit hard as he was exposed for who he is, and obviously he doesn't like the truth!
Hang in there, and I'm sure that your case will be dismissed as you have done nothing wrong.
I can barely remember the ugly fight now...but I do know every ugly thought I have about him came flying out of my mouth.
He was angry at me when I went to his office. I went in there to ask him a simple question about something we were attempting to do in order to cancel the emergency hearing tomorrow. He started spewing at me, and saying all kinds of ugly things.
For the longest time, I kept calm. I just validated, and refused to engage, and tried to steer him back to what I needed. At some point, though, he found the magic button, and I reared up and fought back.
I know I told him he was a lousy excuse for a father. I know I asked him to never tell me he loved the kids again, because his actions proved he loved them way less than himself, or more importantly his d*ck. (I cannot believe I said that, but I clearly remember doing it.) I made comments about his morals, his lack of ethics, and how I couldn't stand to look at him, hear his voice, or have to be anywhere around him. I told him he was just like his poor excuse of a father. I told him I was so sorry I ever married him.
Let's see...what else came out in my lovely spew? I reminded him about how much trouble I had trusting people, something he well knew, and the one person on earth I'd learned to trust, namely H, had taught me a lesson I will never forget - you cannot trust anyone. I said a lot more...none of it nice.
I wonder if this is what Vanilla was forecasting when she said she thought she'd see anger bubbling up from me next. I was certainly angry. I said all kinds of things I never meant to say. I wounded him, too. I don't feel very good about it.
Yes, he deserved it. But I really try to be kind - and that is exactly what I was not. He wasn't nice, either, but everything he said I countered with something even uglier.
I apologized for exploding like that. It was not my intention. I had one single question to ask him. I had no idea I had so much anger hiding beneath the surface. Neither did he!
Oh! He started pointing out all my faults as a wife, and I cut him off by reminding him that I've apologized over and over for my wrongs. I am not prepared to do that any more. I then pointed out that his total number of apologies to me equal zero. I said one of us was clearly capable of seeing the truth, if the other wanted to believe his own bullcrap, that was his problem, but not to ever bring it up to me again.
Ancaire, do you think subconsciously you went in there looking for a fight, because everything you that you spewed out at him, is most of what was in the letter you had wanted to give him.
No. I know I didn't. I really had one quick question to ask. HE was spoiling for a fight. I remember thinking I should leave, but I really needed to get that question answered so I could send the document back to my L today. The hearing was supposed to be tomorrow and I needed to sign the document and return asap. I was asking him for help that wasn't spelled out in the document, and to have to modify would take a lot of time we didn't have.
I do realize a lot of it was in the letter, but what came out of my mouth was vile. I'm watering it down here. I did get my question answered at the end, and amazingly, we've reached some type of "calm". He's being ever so polite and nice, as am I. I surprised the heck out of him...first with the venom, and secondly with the apology. But the good news is, we're actually friendlier now than we have been in a long time.
I want to finish this and be done. I don't want to be his buddy - but it would be nice to be able to finish this with some level of cooperation from H that doesn't involve us battling it out in court. He was under some misinformation and making assumptions about my intentions to "stick it to him".
Ancaire, relax and breathe..... Nothing has changed. You're the same person that woke up in a good mood this morning. Your H's family hearing about it makes him look bad not you. I don't think most sane people think that when a spouse finds out about an affair, lies, sneaking, etc, that the cheated on spouse is supposed to be calm, cool and collected. It is a highly charged emotional event and people really do understand when that person looses it a bit. I doubt that there are many people on this list that found out about spouse's affair and calmly looked at them and said "Oh, okay. Well, let's talk about this and see how I can be better for you so you won't need to have sex with someone that's not me. What else can I do for YOU?" Give yourself a break. And, if one single person says anything to you or acts like you lost your mind, you simply tell them that you got upset because of your lieing cheating no good H, but you're better now and ask them to say a prayer for him because HE'S the one that has lost his mind. You're fine!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
And, BTW, my H acted like I went crazy when I confronted him. He actually went out and bought this huge gun safe and locked up every single gun in his house because he said he wasn't sure what I was going to do. Really?! I am not the crazy one. I might be the one that is devastated and having a hard time coping with his behavior, but I am NOT the one that has lost my mind. He should have told me beforehand that I was supposed to be happy he was cheating on me, then I could have tried harder to accommodate him.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
(((((((((Ancaire))))))))))) It's late here so I'm about to go to bed but just read what happened and couldn't cut and run. I'll reply more tomorrow. Stay strong. Your H is baiting you and there is little wonder you ended up saying the things you did.
