Back to square one, not sure I can do this again!

[- MB -]

Ancaire, thanks for your post. Before finding this site, I spent the first month and a half after BD reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with how to deal with a spouse's MLC. Basically, what I take from all of my research is that there's NOTHING you can do to help the. It's a journey that they take alone and you can't help, speed it up, guide, support....or anything at all. Nothing! You're just along for the ride. And, most that go through it have affairs while trying to "recapture their youth." Everything I read says not to tell them that you think they're going through a MLC (I then promptly told my H 3 times! LOL) because they won't believe you, don't give them books or information to read on it, etc. And, just know that in their eyes, the spouse is always to blame. They want to pile all the problems they have on the spouse, blame them for all their unhappiness, act like everything is the spouses fault and then get rid of the spouse because if the spouse is gone their problems and unhappiness will go away as well. They never seem to remember the good times, only the bad ones and they will even rewrite history to make good times SEEM like bad times. And on, and on, and on. It's just a fun experience that they are dragging us through and we can't even do anything to help them. Eventually most of them fight off their demons and come out of the MLC, but not all of them do. And, how long it takes just depends on how long they run from doing the work within themselves. Antidepressants and antianxiety meds will help if they reach out to a doctor to get them, but many will not. I did make my H an appointment, but not even sure he will go. I will say a prayer for him and cross my fingers, but that's all I can do. I wish he knew how much I love him and want to help him, but he's too busy hating to be around me.