Question: I do not initiate text or phone calls unless it is about our 3 kids. Since I know she is still "friends" with him, when she comes over to get the kids and she ends up staying at the house for over an hour, do I allow her to continue to slowly open up to me (as we say pave the way home smoothly; doing this would allow her to see that I'm not controlling her and I have self control because she knows I know they talk) and just never mention the friend thing, or do I say, we have nothing to talk about if you are still having friendships with other men (as this may come across as controlling her to her)?
You're doing really really well for being just 8 months in, N, a natural DBer! Have you been reading the forum since joining? I did that too - quietly read for a long time.
I would allow her to slowly open up to you, rather than cut her off. From what I remember my old DB coach telling me, he said to give my ex space, and not pursue or initiate conversations with him, but, on the other hand, if HE initiated conversation with me, that I should be friendly in a casual sort of way.
I'm not sure if telling your wife that you two have nothing to talk about if she is "having friendships with other men" is the right thing to do. If you are sure she is in a relationship with another man, that's another thing entirely, and I agree that you should not also be in relationship with her, but in my opinion, talking would be okay.
I'd be interested to get a man's opinion on this!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
