I agree completely with you, Mona. The main reason I don't want to live with my mom is the fact she lives 3 hours away from here. I also smell H control by dictating to me where I can go. I think I'm starting to feel a few faint stirrings of anger now. Is Vanilla clairvoyant?
I've been controlled long enough, thank you. I'm breaking it down into smaller steps. I've identified what I need to do, and I'm working on it a bit at a time. That's really helping to keep me from feeling overwhelmed. I have a feeling that doors will start to open now. I just need to be open to receiving, and I wasn't when I was determined to stay here and keep H from mucking up his life along with everyone else's.
I think I'm making progress, finally. Real, true progress!
I won't overdo it on the exercise. I promise. Besides, when I try to...heart lets me know bad idea. It's really scary, so I obey. It's so freaking cold outside! I'm a walker, and it is the last thing I want to do because of the cold. I used to say (before I knew what cold was, growing up in South Texas) that I would rather be cold than hot. Hah!
The first time I experienced temperatures below zero, as an adult, I changed my mind in a hurry! I remember the ache all the way down to my bones. Too much heat? I get sleepy, sick. Too much cold? Oh! The agony!
In south Texas, cold would mean we might get icicles on the water fountains one night out of a year. Snow? Only saw it on a movie. Seriously. No idea what cold really was.
Cadet! Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by my thread and add your wisdom to what I'm learning. I know how super-busy you must be, so I really appreciate that you took the time to add your thoughts to your friends.
I'm really enjoying reading through the MLC section of the board. There is a LOT of wisdom to be found there. Great stuff for anyone!
Great. I was doing so much better. I had a great PMA. I was making my plans, went to ask H one simple question which turned into a huge stinking fight (more on that in a bit.)
He absolutely crushed me. He told me my wreck made not only local, but national news. His family saw the story on the news in Kansas. I want to die now. I can't stop crying. Someone, please....help me?
I am so completely humiliated. How did this even happen? One little private property accident? I freaking lost my mind upon learning the one man I trusted had lied to me!!!
People always forget, I know. But this humiliation is absolutely crushing me right now.
I hate H. I absolutely hate H. He LET his friend press charges because he was embarrassed about his own bad behaviour, and I am the one being humiliated over it.
You're allowed to have a cry about this for sure. But timeframe this give yourself 30-40 mins of feeling as bad as your want.
Then your done with it for the day. Tomorrow you can cry about it if you want but for today you get 30-40 mins. Then it is back to you.
You can choose to go down this rabbit hole and stay there or you can choose to stay here in DBland and work through this.
I think I said in another post recently that H nor anyone else for that matter gets to have control of how you feel, your level of happiness or sadness.
H knows exactly which buttons to push to get the crazy to come out. His intent was purposeful. Ancaire, Judy, does he get to control the crazy or do you? Take the remote control out of his hand, and place it firmly in your own. If you are going to do crazy, you choose the when the where!
Your PMA is there to pick up anytime you choose.
As for H relatives, WHO THE F CARES, what they think! Its not your business to know what other people think of you. It's only your business to know what you think of you.
You also know whatever H has said has been his version of the truth.
Hang in there friend. I feel a lovely bath of bubbles and a good soak and reading a good trashy novel while there is in order. That's one of my go to's when I need to self soothe.
He might have been - but I know it's the truth, because my son told me about his aunt in Kansas calling to check on him. I just assumed H told them about it...now I know why he's so angry, though. The piece clearly stated I was going after my "cheating" husband. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to know that he cheated on me!!!
He D his first wife for doing the same thing to him. Doesn't make him look very good, does it? I just look insane. I guess I should just stop crying now. The story was mostly wrong. But I was absolutely out of my mind at the time. It really happened.
