WW, My Addiction, Patience is HARD

[trumpet]

Mowgli,

I did one last-ditch effort to tell her what she was doing was wrong, and that she might be in a MLC, so that I can say I told her she needs to stop. Throwing any more in her face is SOOO counter-productive. I'm going dark.

I'm not going to ask our pastor to do any more poking around - if he chooses to care enough about my W to ask her, he comes from a place that wants to see her repent and move away from what she's doing. He's a very good man, and wouldn't be intending to burn any bridges for me or for her. I can see how she'll react very negatively, since she was the one who asked to see him in the first place, and he told her what she's doing is wrong. Someone has to point out her errors, as a witness. Once a person hears that, they have a choice. My W is choosing to ignore the hurt she's causing, and move forward with the EA and the Divorce. She sees, right now, that the D is the only way to stop her deep pain. It's her perspective, and her world is right. She is one of the most stubborn people I know, and her desire to win at all costs has hurt her in the past. She never enjoyed playing board games or put-put golf with me, lol.

It all has to burn down to the ground, I think. I'm pretty sure that's what it will take now. I cry for my kids now - I cry for the hurt they're going to go through. I can handle the pain - I'm a big boy, and I'll find HEALTHY ways to express that pain, and get support from people that love and care about me. My kids don't have the coping mechanisms, so I'm trying to lay a foundation that they can talk to me ANYTIME, and express ANY emotions to me. They need to find outlets... I want to see those outlets start, so that I can head off bad avenues they might explore, and keep them from causing more pain for themselves. Middle school is a very tough age, and lots of permanent scars in my psyche were formed in those years.

She's never been able to effectively see and work on her emotional side - she's got a very tough outer shell, with lots of sarcasm and can be passive-aggressive, which actually is a strength working with type-A lawyers all day long... it's been a strength of her in her job.

In counseling, she mentioned one of my big strengths is my emotions, and my sensitivity. I think she mentioned it because she realizes she's lacking. I do think her sexual molestation one time when she was a kid, and her getting raped in college has led to her being sexually and emotionally unavailable, and for her, it's a pure defensive play, and one she's not willing to work on - why? She'd have to be vulnerable, and probably have to deal with the violations on the deepest level, something she's never wanted to do.

Just my thoughts on it - maybe I'm wrong. I've explained this to her in other words in the past, but she always thought I was trying to 'hurt' her, or by talking about it, I was trying to 'get in her pants'.... ugh.