No, my wife isn't medicating at the moment, but I still feel like that needs to be a part of of the long-term solution.
The other thing I would recommend is that you don't alienate the children against their mother. Regardless of how this all plays out, she will still be a part of their lives.
No one on this forum is condoning adultery, but what do you think your wife sees when you are sitting the kids down and explaining to them what she's done, or going to your pastor and alienating her from her own church?
She wasn't looking at you as an option for a partner, but now she's seeing you as the enemy. Remember when Cadet posted to you (like he does for everyone) about becoming someone only a fool would leave?
Sandi will tell you, too: WWs will risk everything to live the dream. When you turn people against her all she'll do is find people to sympathize with her, support her in her "new" life. She'll throw relationships out the window that are decades old if she's not hearing her "truth."
She's rebelling because you keep trying to throw her mistakes in her face. Trust me; I'm not saying she's right or your wrong, but if you want a chance to salvage this, you need to let her burn this thing down on her own. She has to dig her own grave to realize what she's doing.
Throwing it in her face only reinforces her belief that she's making the right call.
You don't have to, and shouldn't, tolerate what she's doing. You do have to realize that no amount of effort trying to show her the wrongs of her ways will make her realize that.
I get it. It's hard to sit back and watch the life you've built for yourself crumble around you. It's hard to watch this person you've loved for so long change into somebody you barely recognize emotionally. You can't convince, manipulate , or control any of her actions. You can't help her "see" the truth.
I can only say these things because I've made the same mistake and I know it doesn't work. My W has only a few close friends. One supported her in what she was doing and the other she wouldn't even tell that she wanted to leave me because she knew her friend wouldn't support it. I told her friend what was going on with us (not the A part, just that we were having problems and W wanted to leave). W wouldn't hear any of it. I talked to Ws family and W accused me of trying to manipulate them.
It didn't matter what I did because W only saw her truth. I got lucky, really lucky that when I brought the A to the surface, W saw what she was losing and came back.
I truly believe that the only reason it worked was because I did a lot of work on me before I ever brought up the A. W saw the changes I had made but couldn't connect to me emotionally because she was emotionally connected to OM.
If OM hadn't been crazy and a serial cheater, I might very well have lost her.
Not trying to tell you what to do, just trying to help you out.
