Here I am still

[kyrie]

I hear you Trumpet - here's the thing. I went to the Bishop (his boss!). The bishop essentially said, re: the affair, if there are no other witnesses to it, his hands are tied. It's my word against his, and that will not play out well in the church. I think he was basically trying to protect the church and also provide for H's potential innocence in it. He tried to counsel me but it wasn't much help in the bigger picture. You're right - someone *else* needs to get through to him - it cannot be me. But, it's all so dark & secretive, no one else *will*, and no one else knows that has any ability to help. He thinks he should be the only counselor in this arena already, even though he admits he doesnt' know what else to do & feels like he's already done it all (ugh).

I keep trying many ways to break the cycle!! I even identify it, but that doesn't seem to matter. He tells me over & over that I am not humble and accepting responsibility. I do - I don't know what I'm missing (though I'll admit the humility thing he has me there).
I've been at this for many months now. I keep failing and taking the bait. When I try to explicate myself from it, he chases after and rages that I'm controlling the sitch by not facing his raging (his idea of communication) and therefore I'm a terrible communicator, terrible wife and always usurping control.