Struggling

[Bfice3]

Hey Imlucky,

Just stopping in to commiserate with you. This whole thing [censored]. My wife is moving on without me also. I don't know the definition of detachment exactly, as its being revealed slowly every day more and more. I started yesterday trying to force myself to not keep checking up on whatever small things I can online looking at my W. (Facebook, email, match.com profile, etc...)

I remembered today some things that happened back when we were still together. How there was one day when we riding in the car all together as a family and my wife just broke down in tears all of a sudden in the car. At the time I knew it was weird...but didn't understand. Now, I think it was probably a pretty clear indicator that she was doing something and having some kind of affair at the time.

The more I can 'detach' (again whatever that means) the more I am slowly starting to understand that truly my W has no interest in doing or providing any type of emotional connection to me. In fact, its much worse than that. She's thrown me out, and is blaming me for her problems.

Right now, I'm trying to prepare myself for the moment when I actually see her with another man. And really, just any other possibility I can come up with where I may be hurt by her. By preparing myself...I feel like it helps me detach. I can't change how I feel about my wife...but I can change how I act and I how I respond to her. And that's what I'm trying to work on.

The first step for me, was learning just how co-dependent on her I was. And I owe that realization to this site.

You're right, and I understand exactly your feelings about the gap growing wider and wider. Its not in your control. You have to come to accept that notion. It [censored] buddy, it [censored] hard.

But you sound like a reasonable guy, you'll be okay man.