Hi guys! I'm starting a thread over here, even though most of my posts are still in Newcomers. I realize now that I really am dealing with an H in full MLC, and the advice is often the same, but the time involved? It could be years! I'd like advice strictly pertaining to MLC, as well, so I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread here, for the long haul.
Here's a recap of my situation to date, condensed:
BD was early August, completely out of the blue. No warning, nothing - just a cold little three line e-mail, which he texted me in the middle of the night to ask if I'd read. I hadn't, so I spent the next several hours in sheer shock.
H's mother died three years ago. I realize now, that he really did start to change around this time. He slowly but surely became more critical, colder, and mean. When I married him, he was easily the sweetest man on earth. His childhood? Awful! He was #10 of 11 kids, in a single-parent family. His father contributed nothing to his children. Not money and very rarely time. Once in a while, he'd show up with a bunch of broken toys for them to share. He spent his time away from the family touring the Orient.
My H was shy, a bit overweight, and always lost in the shuffle. His personality was timid. His father doubted his paternity because he had brown hair, rather than white-blond like the rest of the kids.
Immediately following bomb drop, I did everything you're not supposed to do. I begged, pleaded, cried, attempted to reason with him. We used to be on the same page regarding D. It was not ever going to be a possibility. We were parents, and we were in it for the long haul. I couldn't accept he'd changed his mind on something so important.
I also realize now, as I'm typing this...about the time his mother died, H became very anti-church. No interest in religion. He began hanging with a new group of friends I absolutely despised. No family values, women coming and going, every single one of them cheaters if they happened to be in a R, heavy drinking. I couldn't fathom why my H, a family man, was so entranced with this group. My response was usually sarcasm and not-so thinly veiled comments about the quality of people he was choosing to spend all his free time with. He is an adult, and I don't own him, but I let him know I didn't like it. I rarely spent time with him with his new friends, because they repulsed me. Their comments about ethnic groups, women, and life in general made me sick. They loved to laugh at me, and refer to me as "the Liberal". I never enjoyed myself with that group, so I started staying home more and more.
