Looking forward to the new year

[trumpet]

Really understanding what love means, in actions, to your spouse is key.

The love languages was an eye opener for me. My wife and I have different languages, and the one that was least for her was the most for me. Her response to sex wasn't 'I'll try harder, or let's try x,y,z'... it was a flat out NO, and don't ask again. Even hinting would result in a flat out NO, and telling me that even asking was out of the question. When you stop getting 'loved', you find other ways to find it. Porn was in my life already, so it pulled up the slack willingly, and I felt loved. W continued to not get her love language met, but all the nagging over time did get me to do a few more things for her - I grew up some as a man, but like Zues, the conditions placed on her love were so immense, and the bar set so high, I wasn't ever able to reach it. Every time sex might have been an option, my W found something...anything... to deny me.

When I tell people I really hadn't had sex with my wife since our youngest - and she's 7 years old now, people's jaws drop. We tried a few times, but usually when my wife was drunk, when she let the invisible shield down long enough to try.

Reading on blogs and in books about marriage, a sexless marriage is a sure sign of an ending relationship. The addiction masked the true problems, and now my W blames the porn for everything she's doing - which really, is blaming the gun for shooting someone.