Looking forward to the new year

[V2pt0]

The other point I want to add is that I do think expectations on both ends got in the way in our M. For me, I think that I expected when I got married, even though I am a very independent woman, that my H would be there to take care of me in a number of ways...financially, protective, supportive, took care of bills, health, planned trips and activities, etc. I found for the past 14 years that this ended up being my role primarily due to H's schooling. I would baby him when he was injured or sick, was the primary income, cooked, cleaned, bought random gifts for him, encouraged and supported his schooling, etc. I think I was just craving the idea of him taking care of me and these responsibilities once. He finally got to the point to do this and chose someone else and to walk away. Talk about resentment. I have had to really work on taking a different view. It was really hard when I first found out about A and could not drop it.

The were areas my H was good at was taking care of that I should have been more grateful for.....home improvent, cleaning and the dog. But I felt my personal care and interests seemed low on his radar. To me he was doing those other things because they were important to him, not actually as something for me. I guess that is were resentment and tit-for-tat attitude enters. At least that was my perception. I think this probably affected my view of his masculinity/strength, so in a way it did change my attractiveness/desire for him even though I still feel my H is a very good looking person, but maybe it was more personality. I think that is why I tried pushing his buttons some times as I wanted some sort of reaction to me. To see some strength come out. Not sure if that makes sense at all.

Still lots of muck to work through. Sigh...