Rain75: New post re: OW

[Rain75]

Thanks gmum. You are supporting me all over this BB. thanks and I just want to say shotgun is right. You're such a good person lending support through your own woes.

Thank you

[Ancaire]

I've been looking through the MLC threads this morning, looking for inspiration and guidance. I found this little gem, and I'm going around sharing it with everyone I think it may be helpful to. Sometimes everything just gets to be too much, and I forget where I'm supposed to be focusing. It really helped me redefine where I want to go, and how I'm going to get there. I hope it helps you a bit, too.

Consider the DB basic principals....

1) Healthy boundaries.
2) Better communication
3) GAL
4) "act as if"
5) Change how you look at things
6) Keep a positive outlook
7) Personal growth
8) Learning more about you so that you can be all that you can be.
9) Learning to avoid "cheese less tunnels"
10) Love and respect

These principals can be used in all facets of ones life. When used properly....they truly can change you from the INSIDE OUT.

[Azzork]

So it's over.

So, what's over?

He was always wayward, right? Whats different about this?

[Rain75]

Hi Azzork,

He had an A with an ex. Yes. Absolutely. This brings up a whole 'nother can of worms. He is seeking out new girls. Blowing off seeing the kids to do so. It was hard enough thinking of how I could ever trust him again but now it seems it would be impossible.

Maybe it isn't. Perhaps others have done so. I just don't see how. If I hadnt looked at his emails I could have potentially gotten into a false R thinking we had his one (very long) mistake to work through.

[Azzork]

This brings up a whole 'nother can of worms. He is seeking out new girls. Blowing off seeing the kids to do so. It was hard enough thinking of how I could ever trust him again but now it seems it would be impossible.

Maybe it isn't. Perhaps others have done so. I just don't see how. If I hadnt looked at his emails I could have potentially gotten into a false R thinking we had his one (very long) mistake to work through.

I think about it this way. I live in the Eastern Time Zone. Let's say I wanted to walk to Alaska. Im not going to to worry about whether I get killed in a dust storm in South Dakota. Im not going to worry about getting eaten by a bear in Saskatchewan.

Im going to worry about not getting hit by a car crossing the street in front of my house.

My point is that theres not reason to focus on the dangers you may not ever get to. Why does it matter right now whether you will be able to rebuild trust with him? By the time you are in that position, you and he will be totally different people.

Wayward. Is wayward. Im not sure that there are varying levels. Is seeking out an ex really all that different from meeting someone new? Is it better? Worse? I dont really think theres a difference for how it impacts you.

[Rain75]

Azzork, thank you for making me laugh. I too am EST.

So, I see what you are saying with your analogy. I suppose this shook me up. I was naive in thinking it was a singular mistake regardless of how long it lasted. So now I see no hope. Or actually my heart feels no hope. Working on myself I do hope to be a differnt person. But if all he is doing is showing he will never change then him potentially becoming a different person one day seems like a fantasy to me.

[Rain75]

I can not catch a break. I ignored his goodnight text and his subsequent texts this morning. Why? They're all lies. Wishing for me and the kids to have a great day. Saying he is sorry about not texting much yesterday but he slept most of the day. Said he hates that he "couldn't" see the kids yesterday. And that he misses us.

Then a text was telling me that he reached out to my friend P (the only person I talk to in real life about this mess who is pro M) and she F'ing told him I knew.

His next text said he is sorry i saw what i saw but to please not go on his email again. It is his and i have violated HIS trust and privacy! And me doing it shows HIM that I will never change. What????

And that he knows what I think but he never went to meet any of those girls. Just used them for pictures to...ahhhh....take care of himself.

I asked her why she told him. She said he was worried about me as he hasn't heard from me since yesterday so she told him I'd get used to not hearing from her for a while. She knows youre on (hookup site) and that you chose that over seeing the kids. Then she cursed him out. Sooooo bad. Her mouth is vicious and thats saying a lot coming from me. Ugh

She has kept what i tell her to herself. Shes been rooting for us. I guess him contacting her and acting innocent when she knows how I suffer just broke her.

Oh well. Not much I can do now.

[Rain75]

Another text telling me about my childish behaviour by violating his privacy. And that HE won't put up with it anymore. HE deserves peace in his life.

Is this guy serious right now? He violated my everything. I don't know this man he has become.

I want to tear him a new one so badly. But I am ignoring him instead. But boy o boy i am livid!

[Rain75]

Just got another text from their father wishing me and the kids a great day.

I think I hate you right now so stop texting. <<< i didn't send that to him

Go call your ex <<<<< also did not send that

But I wanted to.

Just ignoring him right now. I can not be civil and I can not be cordial. It's hard enough to just be silent.

[Ancaire]

Rain - yes. STFU Smoothie coming your way!

Seriously. I think about all the times I opened my mouth, or answered a text, when I should have used the strength found in silence. It's far more powerful than giving them another justification for why they are right to do what they're doing.

So, stay silent. Sit on your hands and breathe if you have to, but do not respond.