Back on these forums again 5

[Mona52]

I'm a glutton for punishment. I did rewatch that vid a few times last night. I wanted to see if my sis was scoping out my stuff to steal it. When it reached the part where my H looked around, it felt like he was judging me. Like my new space was not clean enough, or the items I had were ... I dont know the word ... just wrong for him.

It felt like he was looking down his nose kinda.

Why do I always feel complete opposites with him? How can I feel both completely inferior and absolutely superior at the exact same time?

I could not understand it, but I think I can see what I am doing.

I assumed I was feeling inferior to him when I felt he was judging. But that is not the case. I feel he is comparing me to what I should be. I am feeling inferior to what I think he thinks I am supposed to be. I know this makes no sense, because I have no idea how to put it in words.

I do feel superior to him, and inferior to me. I could be better, I should be better.

Now that I puzzled that out I can see it is ridiculous. If my real self is in any way inferior to what he believes I should be, who cares? I am pleased with my real self at least 80% of the time

So when I figured that out, I rewatched the vid again and everytime I felt he was looking down his nose I stopped and tried to see myself as I really am, and not what I think he is thinking. Now I can watch the vid without feeling judged. I dont care what is happening inside his head, only what is happening inside my head.


On a very positive note... I woke up this morning and I am one tiny pound away from my first 10 pounds gone. It was not as hard as I hoped so maybe I can remove the next 10 as easily. I know it gets harder the more you drop.

And YES PP, I know I am not supposed to me looking at the actual weight, just focusing on the activities to reach a goal, but it still feels good to see the weight loss