Accept that they are not into flowers but appreciate that they give you plants instead. If you really want flowers buy them yourself. Or else positive reinforcement. Be patient and make no demands and inthink the person will eventually want to naturally make the other person happy when they are not pressured to do so.
When it comes to sex I think it's a different and more complicated issue. and a lot of things to consider. Sex is a physical need. But there has to be a drive or desire right? So why no desire? This has to be figured out first right? 1. Was there medical issues? Nursing and sleep deprivation plays a role physically. 2. Did she feel desirable? I think women get turned on by their own desirability. It's an ego thing. Different then simply meeting a mans basic need but feeling beautiful and sexy. 3. is spouse attracted to spouse? Most likely was at some point or wouldn't be married, so what changed this? my guess is resentment over their needs not being met whether it's fair or not.
When I 'bought my own flowers' I was called a porn addict
Seriously, thanks for your thoughts.
You know by now I work in black and white, and grey is hard for me. Sex is a super tricky one for me because:
It isn't a physical need like food or water...but it is a physical need.
It can't be satisfied by anyone outside other than your partner...but you can't pressure your partner to satisfy this need.
It's healthy to have a high drive...it's unhealthy to act on that drive compulsively.
I posted this long ago but it's probably good to rehash. One funny thing about sex addiction is that what makes it so hard is that there is a real and 'true' need behind the compulsion. So quitting heroin or alcohol or cigarettes is easier than overcoming a food or sex addiction, simply because we can't just not eat or never have sex.
People that talk about not being having expectations of your partner when sex isn't happening...I always thought "well, what if your partner just quits talking to you for years. Is expecting them to talk to you considered an 'expectation'? How is that different than expecting sex? You need to be in the mood to talk, right? You don't feel like talking when you're extremely resentful, right? If anything, sex should be more of an expectation, because hey, I can talk to anyone!
This is absurd of course, just showing you why I get headaches and struggle with this. The answer is probably more obvious intuitively than logically, I just struggle. Oh well. I've got time!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
