Not sure how to best answer that specific question, other than perhaps, "In my heart D was not what I wanted but I understand that you don't feel like it was your choice."
With something like that, you're validating but also - it really wasn't your choice from what I know of your sitch.
Just want to lend you some support, I'm sure this conversation stirred you up more than anything has recently. Your posts have made it seem like you've moved well past her, but also indicate that there's still some hurt there. Understandable hurt to say the least.
I was reading on someone else's thread all that you did for your W so that she would want to express to her friends that you are the greatest H out there. You also listed how she would talk about your negatives if she could. It hit home for me.
My list of ways I worked and worked and worked myself to sickness with the hopes that my W would recognize and acknowledge and be proud mirror yours. As does the opposing list of challenges that I faced, partly as a way to cope with the volume of output to reach that recognition.
It's extremely challenging to feel like you're giving 110% and none of it is being seen - or the work is overlooked because of our faults. Now your W sees it. It may be too late for your M, but the recognition is there. She may not have been able to see it before and that's got nothing to do with you. She may have also been too blind by what she saw as your shortcomings to see it as well.
Either way, no one can take away from the fact that you've become a rock star dad. I'm sorry you're D'ed and am not really interested in your W's narrative. But I will say that if you had to go through all of this to become the dad that you have, it's almost worth it. Your kids are your kids for life, and now they have a dad they will always be proud of.
Keep rocking Z,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
