Peace, Happiness and a New Year

[mleigh4]

Hi Cali. Love the lorakeet story! I know those little guys can be quite aggressive.

So, the way you explained life not changing much whether you D or not, and waiting for a reason to take that step...that is 100% how I got through this last summer and fall. I knew I wasn't looking to date and honestly this situation is in my financial favor..I think..so I figured, why rock the boat? I was totally content with that.

Going into a new year and this last meltdown I had after our "fake family time" Christmas has pushed me further into an emotional disconnect. I am not feeling so content with that thought process lately....

Say a handsome nice man came into my life and asked me out....what would I say? I am separated? For 2 1/2 years? Personally, I would see red flags all over that! Lol. There is something not right about that. If you were truly done, D would not be on the back burner. I also would not want a man who would date a married woman. Say I did and we fell in love, I would not want someone to go through my divorce with me....so for me that thought process is now out. I can't move forward with that baggage, it just doesn't feel right to me.

With that being said, I feel a tugging in me, to put this to rest, but will not do so without doing a serious catch up with H, and being 10,000 % sure.

I am rereading over and over all of your posts the last few days, so thank you again, so much, for your support and your push to keep going. I appreciate your concern for me and my family more than I can say. I feel I am getting closer to a personal crossroad. My eyes and ears are wide open, I am going to keep calm and quiet, hopefully I will get some kind of sign....