Ok .. one secret to the smoothie .. atleast when I had the eureka moment. You realize its not about you, you get to a place where it doesnt hurt and its no longer personal and you almost look at them as a science project, atleast thats where I was ... I will never forget it .. Nov 11, 2014 she wanted me to come over to talk a bit after S's church veteran event (he wanted me there) and I came in ... she was full on depressed, puffy eyed, all that ... and she looked at me telling me "I've made a mess of my life"... I wanted to say "damn right you have, hell yeah, amen ... anything, but something held me back and I sat there and just sipped on that mango flavored STFU smoothie, she opened up and kept talking and I told myself as long as she is talking and its not emotionally impacitng me ...hurting me... then I was going to just hear her out, I did ... to the point she would stop and it would get awkwardly quiet, I just looked at her blankly ... then she would start back up again.
Sometimes they just need to be heard, I figured OM was steering her a certain way, giving her a safe place to express her inner most feelings with me, her husband was a good move, so I continued this. Even now she considers me to be a very good listener, this is a 180 from Cali 1.0
Just know, this path you are on, its a LONG road, not one thing will make or reak it, I made tons of mistakes, I also did tons very well ... but I am still here, still waiting for the fog to completely lift ... truth is one must become stronger and better because if you just wait this out and do not become better, you will not be strong enough to endure the latter parts of the crisis .... its like training for a marathon, small steps at first and build up your endurance, ... find you .. the real you.
