WW, My Addiction, Patience is HARD

[Georgia Bulldogs]

You should tell the children on your own and explain the situation thoroughly (including your own problems with pornography).

Do not do this with your wayward wife. She will go nuts the second you try to tell the truth. She will want to start out by saying this is a joint decision and clearly you both love them thoroughly....which isn't true. If she loved her kids and realized the consequences that will befall them based upon these decisions she's making today, she'd never divorce you.

Your children are old enough to be given the truth about their lives. Tell them about your feelings and thoughts. Don't put words in your wife's mouth like "we both will always love you". Instead, you say "I will always love you and I will always tell you the truth". Your kids are probably a lot more wise about the situation than you think. 9/10 times the daughters already know it's going on and are in emotional turmoil about keeping the secret themselves. The other 1/10 times the kids think it's something they did and they are the cause of the problems and try to strategize a reconciliation themselves. Just tell them the truth. Mom has a boyfriend. Marriage is a relationship between two people and mom insists on keeping her boyfriend named _____________. (it's important to give them the full name of OM - it gives them the power to protect themselves emotionally and physically from a very potentially abusive person that played a key role in the destruction of your family. Then tell them about your sins. Do not claim innocence and/or perfection and that the children can be upset about sin but still need to respect their mother because she is the only mother they'll ever have AND because Jesus didn't shy away or disrespect sinners, instead he loved and counseled them to "sin no more".

Then...don't apologize to your wife for telling them the truth. There have been enough lies in your household for long enough. The path to resolve your addiction issues and become a better man in Christ is through transparency and accountability. Keeping her secrets and lies is no longer your priority - no longer healthy and no longer something she can ever expect of you.

She is free to then speak to the children and try to give her side of the story and bad mouth you but it''ll be dishonest and obvious to your kids.