The thoughts running through your head are the same kinds of thoughts I have. How could H do this? He knows from his own childhood how destructive divorce is...yet, there is he is - creating a path of destruction that will go on for years.
Thank you Ancaire, it is good to know that my that I am not going crazy to have these thoughts and feelings. I'm sorry you have them too. I'm sorry for all of us. Why can't our Hs just see that this is our family's entire future they're changing?
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
The guilt your H feels has to be enormous. I know it doesn't really help you with what you're feeling, but I believe he does know he's not doing the right thing - but for some reason, he's convinced himself he will cease to exist if he stays in the marriage. The only thing I can tell you is that time will go by, and he may begin to see things very differently than he does right now. There are no guarantees - but it sounds like your H really does love his children. He cares for you. Whatever is driving him is more powerful than his love.
Yes, I'm sure you're right, he must be feeling tremendous guilt and pain as he does love them so, so much. Care for me, I'm not so sure. I think I would feel better if I knew what to do in the meantime. I'm not sure which DB techniques to use because although we're separated I still see so much of him really and it is then that I don't know what to do. I really would appreciate advice on this part of things. And I'm still so confused that he sent a happy new year message to me!
[quote-Ancaire] Just focus on you and your kids. There is literally nothing you can do for H at the moment. The more you try and help him, the worse the situation will get. I'm speaking from experience right now. I can literally see the struggle on H's face. He's being pulled apart by his conflicting feelings, and I really feel badly for him. I don't understand the why...but I can see that he's hurting.[/quote]
Yes, I know what you mean here. It makes it even harder doesn't it, because we still love them unconditionally and can see that they are in pain but they don't want us to comfort their pain. It is so hard to not try to reach out.
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
Give H the space he thinks he needs. Focus on you. That's the best you can do at the moment. We'll just take it one day at a time, because that's all we can really do, right? Focus on your breathing at least once a day. More would be very beneficial. It sounds so ridiculous, but something so very simple can help keep you from becoming so stressed, you're unable to function.
These are really bad times. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm really sorry for your child.
I wish I was as strong as you seem to be Ancaire. I really do not feel that I have the strength to function at all anymore. I am so lost, so confused about DR despite reading it over and over. I feel like I'm drowning.
