New Guy is looking better and better. Really kind fun and totally different than anyone I've ever known. So I'm sticking it out. He's made it pretty clear that's what he'd like and I'm learning from the situation so I'll toughen up and not slink off because I'm scared. Maybe at some point he'll stop being New Guy and start being My Guy.
I have a couple of job prospects out there, very different from one another. Again, one is super safe and known, but would be a challenge logistically and doesn't pay well. The other one is a big risk but logistically more do-able and potentially pays well. I'm growing more interested in the riskier one, which has made me realize a few things about myself: 1) I like the idea of a little more risk; 2) I think I'm a little more interested in an actual relationship than I knew; 3) YES I CAN -- whatever it is.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow.
Now on to the meat and potatoes of why I'm here:
The kids were with Mr. Fantastic this past weekend. Last week S7 was bawling every day over different things he was unhappy about, totally sweating the small stuff. This is very unlike my happy-go-lucky, super-confident, roll-with-the punches youngest child. Last night he came home all excited. Everyone was talking about how much fun they had ice skating with Mr. Fantastic and his girlfriend and her kids. They were all full of it. But as soon as the door closed behind Mr. Fantastic he fell apart, crying about how he didn't get any attention from his dad, etc., and how much he missed him. He asked if he could text his dad and of course I said yes. So he texted "I miss you dad" with several emojis carefully chosen to make sure they looked sad enough. Mr. Fantastic texted back, "Aw, I miss you too, man." and that was it.
D12 came home with a severely sprained finger. In the scheme of things this is not a big deal but it should have been iced because it's really hurting her. She said she thought she needed it but they were at the park and Mr. Fantastic told her she needed to "toughen up" and that they weren't leaving for ice. I told her this morning to make sure she showed the PE teacher because the teacher would have a lot of experience with that sort of injury. PE teacher told her not to do anything that required holding a weight with her hand. Also in consequence of the injury, we aren't going to karate tonight -- punches are beyond her ability at the moment since she can't close her hand.
A few weeks before he moved out in 2014, S9 (then 7) broke his arm at a roller skating party. Mr. Fantastic left me to carry out the first aid while he went and skated the limbo. When I helped S9 into the car Mr. Fantastic told me that I should just make him do it himself, that babying him wasn't going to help him grow into a man. So D12 telling me that Mr. Fantastic told her she needed to toughen up -- and now her finger is black & blue and swollen to almost twice its normal size -- really pushes a button.
Also today, D12 was being appallingly rude about wanting an iphone 6. This is outrageously entitled, and she was slamming doors, lightly cussing (words that would be allowed in this forum but that I frown on in my house from her mouth), kicking things around and generally behaving in a way that would go viral if I shared a video on FB. So I took her existing phone away. Then I texted Mr. Fantastic that I had done so so he would know he couldn't reach her that way. I was treated to several long texts saying that her behavior wasn't acceptable but "we" should come up with a different consequence for her since losing her phone made it difficult for him to keep in touch with her. He suggested I take her Legos, which is a calming activity for her, or her bike, which she hasn't used in 3 weeks because there is something wrong with the gear system and I haven't taken it to the bike doctor yet.
I'm tired of the way his choices impact my life. I did tell him that his convenience wasn't my priority in choosing how to discipline the girl. It was with great difficulty that I restrained from saying anything further. I only refrained because I knew it wouldn't achieve anything. But seriously, how selfish can he be? He won't care for her enough to get ice for her injured finger. He tells her to toughen up. He doesn't want me to discipline her because it inconveniences him when I do. He can't be bothered to spend time with the kids and actually know what they're like or make them feel like he cares about them. And yet I have to parent with this person?
This is mostly venting but if someone has a suggestion or if there is a very limited thing I can say to him to make him understand how his choices impact people, I'm totally open to hearing about it.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
