Yes, she's still spiraling. Her words to me are meant to hurt and distance. Our entire 15 year marriage was re-written last night when she talked. Every mistake I've made in the last 2 months were laid out for me to take the blame of why she's so unhappy, and now furious with me. I passed a Bible verse to her in church, after finding out I was being served. Jesus told Judas to do quickly what he was about to do. In retrospect, complete a** move by me. She took it as I was calling her Judas - not my intent, just knew she was going to file, and calling her out on it. Like I said, I regret it.
I'm back to 'staying the he** away from her'. I'm hoping it doesn't come to the restraining order - my brother, a police officer, said they wouldn't have anything on me.
I took pictures of the bruise and scratch. We've had a couple of fights, 10 years ago, that she punched me, and I held her arms to stop the punching. She went to the cops to document the bruises... and in the end, we had forgiven each other for that time in our lives. Every big couple mistake I made comes up now in conversation - her hurt is unending, and I am getting the spew every time I see her. Even looking at her she'll exclaim, even in front of the kids 'stop looking at me!'.
Really don't know what to do, besides just staying away from her, staying in the basement, and doing my very best with the kids. They need a stable environment, and my wife and I are not doing that. My D14 says mom is always so angry - she's been slamming doors shut in front of her when D14 wants to talk about her and the marriage. D14 wants us desperately to stay together - all 3 kids do.
Our pastor called. I thought he might have made some headway last night, but really, all he did was listen a bit, and when he asked about the affair, she would say nothing, just complained about me. Naturally, when I called, he put a line in the sand, saying the tit-for-tat had to stop. I reassured him I wasn't asking for that, but to let me know if she ever talks with him again. I think she's done with our church.
Watching my wife turn into something so different than what she was, even a year ago, is sooooo sad to see. She's not anyone I'd want to be with anymore. I lament the wife I had, the marriage I had. Every day, I see that M as dead.
There will have to be a new one built upon it's ashes.
I was thinking I wanted her to tell the kids we're divorcing, but now I think I want to be there, so that she doesn't put the spin on them, telling them that I'm the cause of all of this.
Thoughts?
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
