MB - I had something similar happen to me. H suddenly wanted to R, but then acted like a stranger. I wound up getting too over-eager, too hurt by his inattention, and let myself be in a position I should never, ever have even been near.
Long story short, I hunted him down at a party I wasn't invited to. I was pissed because he wasn't answering my texts. When he came out to see what I wanted, we wound up getting into a huge fight. For some reason I asked him if his last A was the only one. He replied that here had been "1 or 2 others". I lost my everloving mind, and wound up driving smack into a parked car. I said a lot of crazy things to everyone while I was out of my head, including the police.
I gave him exactly the excuse he needed to decide he didn't want to work on it anymore. I spent months blaming myself for it. I could have fixed it, if only...
It's only now I realize his heart was never in it to begin with. He seriously wants to be elsewhere. You were just on my thread so you know I'm not exactly happy about it. But, if their heart is really not in it, it usually will not work out well.
How to get them to the point of being sincere? Yeah. I'm struggling with that one.
After BD, I did all the wrong things, just like almost everyone else on this board. Wife and I are Christian, got our pastor involved. My wife realized she was in the wrong with the EA, stopped it, but was angry at me. I was hurt and angry at her.
She started to want to try to piece things back together. I got huge fistfulls of hope, and shared my hurt, thinking we could be broken together, and lift each other up. I was working on a porn addiction at the same time.
Well, I started to want to 'fix' things, and she started talking with OM again, as she was hurt by the words I said.
As of this morning, she hates me with every fiber of her being, can't stand me, and has paperwork for file for divorce being made as I type this.
So, yes, I had WW want to reconcile and 'try' things, but once the hurt got too close, she bolted again. It [censored].
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
I know that feeling lol. And you're right. If all was fair in the world the one that walks away should get the "privilege" of feeling as we do.
But since that wont happen we have to get through.
I think that if you told him you actually hadnt moved on or GAL that you need, when your ready, to really do it this time.
Otherwise he will be over on his end doing whatever he wants and "knowing" MB is at home crying and waiting for him. F@ck that!
We are fabulous. We really are. Even if we forget at times.
And a good friend send me a meme that says.... I'll be okay. Just maybe not today.... But I will be okay.
Also I recall reading about a woman here who was in a more similar sitch to yours. She didn't have kids with her H and they were married for a long time and there was an A he denied at first. If I remember or come across her thread again I will post the link on yours.
Buck up buttercup.
Rain
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Ancaire, i second that wholeheartedly. If their heart isn't in it then it will fail. I believe that's why I dont want mine back just for the kids or out of guilt. Because his heart won't be in it.
And wow! On the party crashing. Sorry it ended up with another BD.
These men (and women) are so detached from reality. They have no clue what destruction they leave in their wake.
Rain
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
She started to want to try to piece things back together. I got huge fistfulls of hope, and shared my hurt.
Last week my H went to ONE MC session with me. I'm thinking that was a mistake because he did an about face the next time he saw me. . Anyway, I was truly shocked that he admitted to the MC that he didn't see that the affair was wrong when he started it, but that he finally came to realize that it was wrong and he had made some very poor choices and decisions. I thought he had had a breakthrough...guess not.
I also got so completely hopefull and excited that he wanted to fix our marriage. He wanted us to move back in together and live happily ever after. I did share how hurt I had been, guess he thought I deserved to go through it again. Ugh!
I am really sorry that your wife is continuing with D papers, I hope she has another change of heart and that it works out better the second time.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I'm not completely caught up with your stories, but I spent some time reading posts by RealityTrip. She successfully navigated reconciliation and the way she did it was quite admirable. She showed a lot of restraint and strength. You can see a summary of her journey here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2422735&page=1 and click on the previous threads to read about how she got there. Good luck.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I think that if you told him you actually hadnt moved on or GAL that you need, when your ready, to really do it this time.
Nope, I didn't tell him. And, actually, I did start to GAL. I went to several arts/crafts shows, out to eat, visited with friends, etc. I had even gone to a club with my friends the night before I went to see him when he decided he wanted to get back together. I stayed out late and had a great time. Of course, they were all there with their H, and I was alone. It was a bit depressing, but still a new experience for me. I didn't think my H was driving by to check on me. In fact, I would have sworn that he WASN'T. I was wrong. He, apparently, checked up on me a lot and I just never saw him drive by. I was gone a lot and even if I was home, I would let my kids drive my car so it wouldn't be here. I would never tell him that! LOL.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Ancaire, I am so sorry for how that turned out for you. Wow! It [censored] that they push us to the point where we are so frustrated and about to loose our minds, then act like they are innocent and we are just crazy. After I found out that H was talking to OW I confronted him. Apparently, he thought I went off the deep end and kept calling me crazy after that. Every time he said it, it so totally reminded me of the scene in Hancock when Will Smith told that little boy "Call me Psyco ONE more time...." The sad thing is that I think he actually thought I had lost my mind. Idiot!
Ancaire, you deserve to find peace and happiness. Hopefully you won't have to wait much longer. Take care.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
. Anyway, I was truly shocked that he admitted to the MC that he didn't see that the affair was wrong when he started it, but that he finally came to realize that it was wrong and he had made some very poor choices and decisions. I thought he had had a breakthrough...guess not.