Opened my mouth at the end of the night. My W went and saw our pastor, as I had talked with him on New Years. He now understands she has a full blown EA again, and reached out to her. He was met with lots of angry words, saying she thinks she hasn't loved me in 10 years, and has lots of anger and hate in her heart for me.
He met up with her last night, shortly. Here is where I make my mistake, and figured it out: I always have expectations that he would get through to her, and she'd at least want to talk to me after talking with the pastor. It's happened three times, and every time, she comes home either not talking, or actually happy to have told him that she's happy to be committing adultery, or she won't stop, since the hurt is too much, and she needs to 'feel happiness' in life, and that isn't with me.
I broke my commitment to not talking to my W - I simply asked at the end of the night if she was still planning to file, which after a few minutes of talking, said yes. I then blew it by asking her to let me know when in March she was planning on getting away with OM - I caught all the text messages from Christmas to New Years, and they have plans to see each other as soon as possible, and then do a getaway in March. I told her I just needed to know, so that I could plan time off with work, so I could be home with the kids.
Well, after taking her phone, her climbing on top of me, scratching me and leaving a bruise on my right hand, and forcing her to talk for an hour (at midnight, which is another 2 rules broken), she is so upset that I know all of this, and has so much hatred in her heart, I don't think it will be anytime soon that the M can be fixed.
She is getting paperwork done this week. I will be filed upon.
She hasn't told the kids all of what she's doing, but plans on filing a restraining order on me to get me to leave the house. I don't think she can force me to leave, esp. since I'm not raising my voice, touching her, or hanging around her in the house.
She plans on now trying to get custody of the kids.
She never wants to see me again. She has a need to be happy, and the divorce is the light at the end of the tunnel, her words.
The kids will be just fine, she says. (Yeah, right).
When she left today she told me to blank off.
Yes, I know it's script. It still hurt. And my wife doesn't typically make idle threats, so the D is going to happen.
I'm so, so sad for my kids.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
