Looking forward to the new year

[JulieH]

"The idea that she doesn't derserve love or affection from me because she's not giving it to me the way I want". This comment struck a chord for me.

When my husband first left, and when i had first told him I wanted CS money, husband was very angry. He made a comment to me that I have never forgotten.
" I will lose everything but nothing will change for you. It's not like you have had my affection" ...and then something like "because you haven't been giving me any"

I had been overwhelmed and resentful and perhaps dense and lazy but looking back I showed my affection differently. It wasn't intentionally denied. It's so sad when you look back and see how things could have been different. Sometimes I fear in future I will look back on my present situation and say, oh I should have done this or that. It could have worked out. He really did want to make marriage work but I had too much pride or I couldn't see it or I felt he needed to be punished. (I really do feel this way.."the how dare he leave me" feeling)

Not sure how to proceed. continue to do nothing and Wait for him? Initiate a family outing? Send him info on marriage counselor or retrovaille... Not sure if he still wants this. When he mentioned it, it was early December before we went to court.