Back to square one, not sure I can do this again!

[- MB -]

Yes, after the first BD where he told me he "needs space" to work on himself, I continued to call him and go over there every single day. It only lasted for a couple of weeks, then he stopped answering my calls, would roll his eyes at me when I walked in his house, started hiding his car from me so I wouldn't know he was home, etc. It absolutely destroyed me. I say I'm back at square 1, but that's not actually true. I am close, but not quite as bad as I was then. Of course, it's only been 1 day since I've seen him....just give me time! LOL. I do feel the numbness, emptiness, loneliness, etc inside and I am tired of always feeling that way. He's the one destroying everything, HE should get the privilege of feeling this way.

I do understand what you're saying when you said that they don't stop their lives just because they miss us. And, that's true, he's NEVER home! That's why he thought that I had moved on last time. He would drive by and my car was never here. Made him wonder. I will not sit here this time either, it's just going to take me a few days to shift gears again and grieve once again the second chance that I THOUGHT I was being given that was so quickly taken from me again. I may not feel strong enough to go on right now, but I will fake it till I make it! Just probably not today. Today I just plan to do my best at continuing my 180 and not call him. Perhaps tomorrow I can start my journey again. Thanks again for your words of encouragement, they are so helpful to me right now. I am really NOT this weak, I just feel like I've been knocked to the ground and had the wind knocked out of me....having some trouble getting back up.