I did end up going tout for a while so i wasnt stuck at home with my thoughts. I send messages to kids and family at midnight. I even sent a message to my W. Very simple happy new year and her name. She replied with a Happy new years!, then she sent some pictures of the kids. I told her thank you for the pictures and thanks for giving them a great new years eve. she replied your welcome and now she has to wrestle them to go to bed. it was a pleasant interaction.
Something i realized that bothers me more and more for a few reasons is when i have the kids and she doesnt call them at night to say good night. Makes me mad that she is probably out and thinks running around with friends is more important than her kids at that point. Then i realize it bothers me because I start getting anxious about what she is doing.
I then started expecting her not to call, and began getting over it.
It made me realize that she is far from being out of her fog.
And just now as i am typing this i receive a text message from her. it is weird because my heart drops when i see a message from her, the kids are in school right now so what could she need to message me for?
the message read "is my sams club membership cancelled?" I kind of laughed to myself. I have had a company membership for years and always just gave her a card off of my account. the renewal was in the end of november and the last time i went i had to pay for the renewal on my card. I did not pay for her card. I told her i simply had to pay my renewal last time i was there and she may be able to pay the renewal while she is there, or get s day pass under my name. thing is i know she will have to get her own membership now but not my problem right? Weird thing is still makes me feel bad because i always just took care of things like this for her and it doesnt feel good to not have renewed hers. I did consider it but i feel like i would have been still pursuing in a round about way if i did this.
Oh well, we will see how this plays out. I have had the intention of trying to minimize all contact in January and reassess at the end of the month. I am doing this to see if i can detach a little more for myself and honestly to see what kind of reaction i get from her as well. I know it should just be for me, hopefully after this it will be more for me.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
