Mona, I've got a question for you. You posted on my thread about being angry like my wife. If you were really angry at your husband but you noticed him trying repair the relationship, how long could you stay mad? At this point I'm hoping you say a long time. I know your not my wife but how long until you thought about lowering your shield just a bit. Do you think if you were no longer in love with him and he really was really trying, would you throw him away?
I want the truth please, what ever you feel,thanks
Mut, As soon as I FELT he understood the total and exact reasons why I am angry and I see actions proving change, not words, and I hear heartfelt apologies, I would stay mad. I dont believe anyone expects any kind of perfect world. Just knowing someone is trying is enough for me.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Mona, my friend? Please pop over to my thread when you get a chance and offer your opinion on a letter I want to send to H? I'm trying to convey I'm ready to move on, let him know exactly what I need to do that, and let him know why I've suddenly stopped fighting. I would dearly love your input.
Happy New Year people! I had such a fantastic new year. I hear you guys saying slow down, but I'm sorry, I cant agree. Maybe I gave the impression it was me, a lot of liquor and a bunch of guys, but that is not the case. I go out with a group of about 15 friends. You should have heard them on new years. They all expressed over and over how thankful they were that in 2015 we all met each other.
I have only known these people since October, but I feel like I have known them my whole life. We are all doing things we never imagined we could do, because we have each other. I have been on one date with one guy, so it would be hard to go much slower
So New Years we all went to a friend's house for a huge dinner of pork and sauerkraut. My belly ached by the time I left from laughing so much. They we met at the bar where we bought tickets for the new years celebration. I had the perfect dress and the cutest shoes. It made me feel like a princess and I danced and laughed all night. And I was still able to taxi 2 of my kids to 2 different parties and home at the end of the night! I got a small break because my S spent the night with his cousins.
Friday night we all went to see a DJ. Friday is our normal night to go out, but the place we go to decided not to book a band because they had a big party on New Years. Since they only had a DJ, the place was pretty much empty except for our group and another small group. It was amazing. We had the whole dance floor to get as goofy as we wanted all night. I was really able to just relax and I was so sad when the night ended.
There was this other guy who is not part of our group. I see him there all the time, and everyone from our group knows him. My impression of him has always been he is a narcissist who strutted around and expected the women to fall at his feet. So I stayed away from him. Most of the guys I dance with are much, much older than me. He is more in my age group, so I really try and stay away.
Well, lately he has been asking to dance with me more and more. I have a hard time saying no because I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I have been dancing with him. On Friday, with the DJ, there was hardly anyone there, so we danced together all night.
Last night I went to the singles dance, he was there and he asked for a bunch of dances from me last night too. I think I was too harsh on him. He is one of the few who actually does not say creepy things to me. He is able to hold an intelligent conversation while dancing superb. How nice is that? Last night he taught me the hustle, which is super easy and he was a great partner. It is an adjustment just standing with him. My husband is 5 foot even. I am taller than him. So for the last 20 years I have kinda crouched when I am with him. I never noticed I did it, but other people told me I do it. I never wore heels because I would tower over my H. This guy is so tall. My arms ached after a slow song from reaching up so high when I first danced a slow song with him.
Now I stand tall beside him and it feels great and weird. My arms no longer ache because of the way he holds his dance partners.
Am I using him to mask pain? Well, when I am out with my friends, I dont feel the pain. When I am dancing with him, I dont feel pain. I feel happy and free and young and beautiful. When I am home, I dont think about my H texting me anymore. I think about other people (yes, mostly men). I did not give him my phone number yet and I wont see him for another 2 weeks. So I am not moving too fast.
I hear you loud and clear when you say be careful. Before I went to see Chris I looked up his FBI results from his finger prints (Act 151), his Act 34 which is child abuse clearances and his record because I found out he worked for the state and so do I. So I could see all his information in my databases. I knew, down to the penny how much he made a year and how long he has been in his position. I knew he had no criminal record and when I was with him I used every imaginable amount of protection from any issue I could think of. I am all my kids have, I will not be reckless and leave them motherless.
Jerkface is also making things oh so easy to dump him. He attempted to financially cripple me at the end of December. Too bad, I was way ahead of him and moved everything out of my name months ago so he cant legally do anything except pay his bills. But I did not lash out or retaliate. He told a bill collector that I said I would pay an overdue bill and he gave him my cell phone number. I calmly told the bill collector that the bill is not in my name and I removed my name months ago, so sorry.
I hate him for doing that, but I did not text him and tell him how badly I wish a certain body part would just fall off. The thought of communicating with him, seeing him or having him close enough to touch me makes my skin crawl right now. So I will not contact him. I will just let him and OW enjoy each other.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Your H is pretty unbelievable...some of the things he does literally make my jaw hit the floor. Sending a bill collector after you for one of his bills? Does he have no pride at all? WTF!
He attempted to financially cripple you when you were bringing him food!?!? Holy cow...I don't even know what to say.
On the other hand - how I envy you your group of friends! It sounds like you are having a fabulous time working through all this. You are so blessed to have found a large group to hang out with. Maybe one day, I'll find the same.
You asked a couple of questions on my thread I'll just answer here. You asked if I could get my car out of the shop by myself - the answer to that is no. I need $2000. H will barely give me what I needs for meds and doctor visits. I need to find a job asap, and I went to school for phlebotomy, but then his friend had me thrown in jail, on a felony charge no less!, and that is killing my job chances. I found out I did get the other job. But when it went to human resources and they pulled up my arrest, I was automatically disqualified. I go to court next on January 20th...but I need to be working now. Their little divorce game has really crippled me on this one.
I'm still looking for something in the meantime, but it has to be part-time, and it has to not require any lifting, etc. It's so freaking hard to do. I've been filling out surveys for the few pennies I can get from those.
The lack of funds is the only thing keeping me here. I'd be out this door tomorrow if I could only fix that. So, I'm attempting to come up with something. I could use a miracle right now, that is for sure!
Okay, Okay, 2016, better get some goals working or I will end up spinning my wheels!
2016 is my year of saving. I plan on getting SOME money in my savings account. I will not let the fact that he is barely helping me allow me to rationalize away saving money. I have about 40 days left in my master's degree program and then if I need to, I can get a second job to save money. Or I can budget better. For now, I will try the budget thingy... Ugh
2016 is my year of losing. I am down 10 pounds over the holidays believe it or not. I am going to lose enough weight to wear a bikini. Over the last month the image I have of myself has reached the highest I have ever felt. Time to go all the way and do the ultimate in my eyes. Bikini on the beach. Ok, it will be a big bikini, not a stringy thing, but I dont care
2016 is my year of research. I will begin my doctrine by researching small business cyber security. I want to make a name for myself in this field this year by trying my hand at public speaking. I have a solid plan that can really help small business owners, who know nothing about computer security, secure their business pc's. This is the year I get the word out.
2016 is my year of elite. This year I will double down and become the master of my work here at the university. This will require me to purchase a larger nerf gun to make it through tough spots and a few more rubik's cubes. It helps me solve work problems if I can play with my cube when I get stuck. I have some cutting edge ideas that could save the campus millions, if I can just put my nose to the grindstone and work them out.
2016 is my year of dancing. No matter how busy I get with work, school and kids. I will not allow anything to interfere with my Friday nights. Lately I have been doing the Sunday night dances as well. I dont have to do these, but I need to keep going on Fridays to get out with my friends.
Step one on my first goal, my cash will be so tight this week, until January 22nd to be exact. So I cant start my first goal until Jan 22nd. But on that day, I make my first payment to my savings account.
Step one on my second goal. RUN! I have been completely slacking on this because of the holidays. Time to get out there and run... a lot! Step two, eat better. I do not need to eat less, I just need to make better choices. I have been Okay lately, I just need to continue to make good choices. I need to tell myself that the nacho cheese dorito taco from taco bell does not taste half as good as my grilled salmon and steamed broccoli. Even though it is easier, and cheaper and the kids love me when I do taco bell instead of cooking real food...
Step one on goal three. Reach out to SCORE and offer to speak.
Step one on goal four. Without getting technical, work through my notes from the conference. Step one would be to outline the information I need to learn to start on the new technology the university needs. I can commit 3 hours on Tuesday to get started on this.
Step one on goal five. No step needed, I just cant talk myself out of going. Right now there is no chance of that, but humans get lazy and I am human.
Got my goals and my baby steps. Ready for 2016.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Your H is pretty unbelievable...some of the things he does literally make my jaw hit the floor. Sending a bill collector after you for one of his bills? Does he have no pride at all? WTF!
He attempted to financially cripple you when you were bringing him food!?!? Holy cow...I don't even know what to say.
On the other hand - how I envy you your group of friends! It sounds like you are having a fabulous time working through all this. You are so blessed to have found a large group to hang out with. Maybe one day, I'll find the same.
You asked a couple of questions on my thread I'll just answer here. You asked if I could get my car out of the shop by myself - the answer to that is no. I need $2000. H will barely give me what I needs for meds and doctor visits. I need to find a job asap, and I went to school for phlebotomy, but then his friend had me thrown in jail, on a felony charge no less!, and that is killing my job chances. I found out I did get the other job. But when it went to human resources and they pulled up my arrest, I was automatically disqualified. I go to court next on January 20th...but I need to be working now. Their little divorce game has really crippled me on this one.
I'm still looking for something in the meantime, but it has to be part-time, and it has to not require any lifting, etc. It's so freaking hard to do. I've been filling out surveys for the few pennies I can get from those.
The lack of funds is the only thing keeping me here. I'd be out this door tomorrow if I could only fix that. So, I'm attempting to come up with something. I could use a miracle right now, that is for sure!
You are the miracle Judy. Just wait and see how far you will go in the next few months. You wont have a choice because it will be forced on you, but soon you are going to start thinking up solutions that do not involve your H at all. I hear you when you say you need him. But honestly, you dont. He might prove that to you by not helping you. If that happens, be ready and know that you did not really need him to begin with. Soon you will start figuring out solutions that dont involve him.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Apparently I have personal time off I HAVE to use by Saturday or I lose it all. Poor me. I just had off work since Dec 24th. Today is my first day back. Now they tell me this!
We often feel on this board that we keep getting smacked, out of no where with bad things. If we look, we can see we also keep getting smacked with really good things.
They are there. We just have to train ourselves to notice them.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
