Yesterday was a rough day. I former classmate of mine died. He had a chronic illness and really struggled. I was not that close with him, but for some reason it hit me really hard. I guess confronting my own mortality shook me up. Add to that that I was cooped up in my office all day, searching for documents that I could not find - no matter how frantically I looked. I get bogged down or hung up on single documents. fearful that I will be held in contempt if I do not provide EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT. I did not really eat all day and the heat in the bldg was on high. I did not get home until around midnight, feeling like I had accomplished almost nothing.
As I am working on the discovery documents and affidavits, I keep telling myself that it is JUST PAPERWORK, but for some reason it is really stressing me out. I feel like every dollar amount that I put down is too high or too low. I have this sense of foreboding that my STBXW is going to swindle me for every penny and get the kids, to boot. I still can't figure out how I got here, not that it matters anymore. Still, the tears bubble just under the surface.
Now a quick moment of gratitude... For the past week+ I have been looking for the title to my car and deed to my house. To important documents to provide. I searched high and low, gutting my filing cabinets. I searched at home, in my office, in my car. This morning, I reached into my closet drawer to grab my D6s birthday card - G-d bless her - and I pulled out the title and deed with it. Mystery solved. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
