Sorry I missed your post, peacetoday. I think you are right. I do need to detach more.
H did come over last night. He was in great form with S9 and both their faces lit up when H showed S9 his youtube channel (with old vidoes of the kids on there)!!! When it came to interacting with the other 2 older kids and me it was less relaxed. S14 is slightly autistic (and has OCD) and has a couple of bad habits at the moment which H couldn't believe I let him get away with. He even said he's glad he doesn't havve to be around that all the time, which I thought was nasty. H's face was all screwed up for a good 40 seconds as this was happening, like he was disgusted with his son. (it reminded me of a teenager's response).But I didn't say anything. I just calmly asked S14 the next time he did the habit if he could go out and do it elsewhere, which he did. It has not gone unnoticed (by me) that this habit is exacerbated with stress.
Throughout dinner, H was extoling the virtues of his new fitbit he got for christmas, so that kept him talking for a good 10 minutes. I felt rather redundant, and I didn't have anything much to contribute to the conversation (stress caused me to clam up a little), and I couldn't think of anything else to talk about.
Luckily there was a nature program on TV when we had finished eating so H just spaced out in front of that, making it difficult for me to penetrate his silence. He left at 9pm after claiming he was feeling a little ill.
(as it turns out, I pursued the 'ill' thing the day after this exchange and with much pushing on my part, I managed to get out of him that he is having chest pains (due to the inordinate amount of stress he is under - he is trying to set up his own training business while also working full time in a job he detests, and is expecting redundancy any time soon. The pressure he is under, (having to make enough money for us all to live on (in 2 seperate properties) /pay the bills is pulling him under and I really fear for his health). He won't except any financial help from me (I am on a very low income and trying to build up my business) but I may have to force him to accept my help, by not taking his monthly payments for living expenses. (He already additionally pays the monthly bills by direct debit). This predicament is dreadful to watch. On top of this one of his uncles had a stroke (due to stress) 3 years ago that has left him partially paralised and unable to do simple tasks and I know this is a lot on H's mind (and mine). I simply don't know what to do for the best and am hoping this is not the fate left for my husband.
Sorry to end on such a glum note. I am really fearful for the future.....
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
