One of the issues husband and I had with the love language theory (neither of us read the books only based it on counselor) was that when we were told to apply it we were just way too dysfunctional for it to work.
We both felt like we were being tested and controlled. For example, I had anxiety he would be annoyed if I didn't run out to get him what he wanted and actually didn't do it purposely because I felt like he was testing me to see if I would. He felt the same way regarding spending time with me. Like I would get mad at him if he didn't do something with me therefore he intentionally didn't.
Sounds like same thing with your wife?
Probably a lot like this. We were co-dependent. I NEEDED her sexually, it was how I felt loved, and the problem was that it was beyond the norm because I was a bottomless pit, I didn't love myself so she could never give me enough love. (or could she? see next post). I felt the same with her. To Painter's point and to my last post, I don't know that I could ever do enough because she either didn't want me to and wanted to keep the role of the martyr, or she also might have been a bottomless pit that I couldn't fill because you can't make up for someone not loving themselves.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
