One of the issues husband and I had with the love language theory (neither of us read the books only based it on counselor) was that when we were told to apply it we were just way too dysfunctional for it to work.
We both felt like we were being tested and controlled. For example, I had anxiety he would be annoyed if I didn't run out to get him what he wanted and actually didn't do it purposely because I felt like he was testing me to see if I would. He felt the same way regarding spending time with me. Like I would get mad at him if he didn't do something with me therefore he intentionally didn't.
Sounds like same thing with your wife?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
