Peace, Happiness and a New Year

[mleigh4]

Thank you guys. I am not ready to make any decision, just sharing the experience. Many times, at this point, I just don't see it being worth it. Truth is, it seems H never really GOT me. I always felt a bit restrained just being me, and honestly, I suspect he feels the same. MLC has definitely brought out the teenager in him, but he has always shown that trait. Just a bit immature and careless at times...it has always frustrated me...

An example just popped in my head....Christmas day, H pulled out his pocket knife to open some presents. I found it later, fully opened, laying on the living room floor amidst wrapping paper. I, S, dog could have stepped on it....he is just so careless.

Truth is, a strong woman needs a strong man. A man who knows who he is, what he wants, who has values, who lives for family...that is not my H.

Again NOT making a decision right now, just processing. Even if he came through the other side a better person, I am not so sure he would be worth the fight.

As H is processing, thinking, changing....so am I. All I know for sure is that either way I am coming out of this a stronger, confidant, overall nicer person. I am liking the changes, I see the response to me daily as a positive experience, but still see things to work on. I have a pretty nice life going for me right now....I just have this loose tie to deal with. Unfortunately, this is what H is becoming....

I want my son to see his mother in a loving, caring affectionate relationship. H and I both did not have this. I still have time. I don't want him to think this is what marriage is.

Again, no reacting or decisions.....just processing