Updated/still thinking about next steps

[Zues126]

"Some of the things he said last night was that he wished I stayed up and even initiated or at least showed interest (not in his words). Even after talking about that kind of revelation!"

I've been trying to back off but will take a shot.

When he opened up to you and told you he used porn, he clearly felt extremely vulnerable at that moment. Would you condemn him as a pervert or accept him as a man? This is what he was wondering. In a man's mind acceptance equates to intimacy, and rejection equates to, well, rejection. So when he hinted that he craved physical intimacy, to me this means he longed for signs that you would love him and accept him for who he was, not reject him and judge him and condemn him. The way you say "Even after this revelation" shows he read the situation correctly. When would he need reassurance and love from you more?

If a man has to be perfect to be deserving of love, that's what leads to feelings of never being good enough, and porn is too easy of an outlet. There are no impossible standards to live up to. In fact I think porn has as much to do with affirming men as it does with release. It simulates the acceptance that men associate with sex. Also, the very fact that it exists validates the desires in their heart that most women don't even admit exist and refuse to acknowledge or satisfy.

Anyway, this is just how I interpret from his point of view.

As for what you SHOULD do...I have my own opinions, but they conflict with others, and if there's anything we agree on it's to get a DB Coach