What has upset you the most about this. So not ok for son to use physical violence, so not ok for daughter to engage in physical violence. Ok you raised your voice, what an wife disappears.
This is teachable moment. "Son sorry I yelled" " Son why do you think I yelled?" A conversation about violence towards woman not being ok is required . Including verbal violence I know I haven't been a good role model, I would love to see you learn from my mistakes.
D, well I get the need to apologize for dumping on her, that seems fair.
Do you also not think your children should be apologizing to you and your W for their behaviour. There are peace and then none.
Why are you responsible for their poor behaviour? This is not yours to own Mu.
How would you have liked to have handled this?
Personally I think you are being to hard on yourself. This sounds pretty normal stuff to me. The physical interaction between the kids is age inappropriate but still siblings get in each's faces.
Just some quick thoughts off the top of my head. Give yourself a break Mu. And if W is holding you responsible for what occurred, it really does demonstrate how skewed her world view is currently.
