My sixth thread was titled "kavikratu" which means one who possesses wisdom or sacrifices, full of discernment, having wise designs, having the insight of a wise man or fully wise insight.
My eighth thread was "Ksanti" which means exercising patience toward behavior or situations that might not necessarily deserve it and is seen as a conscious choice to actively give patience as if a gift, rather than being in a state of oppression in which one feels obligated to act in such a way.
We have been sitting watching some sci-fi show streaming most of afternoon and evening, all of us. My son is rough with the dog and my daughter(23) does to to my son(16) what he did to the dog. He hits her and then hits her again. Now their holding each other and it looks like it will even get worse. So I jump in and start yelling at him because he's got 100 lbs on her and he's angry. He thinks I'm picking on him and dresses me down verbally. I tell him to go to his room and I take away XBox until they settle it between themselves. My wife storms off down stairs without saying a word.
Now I know this is all on me and I am pissed. I may not be the best fireman but I put out the fire. I go into my daughters room and dump on her that it was such a nice day and her mother was in the room with me the whole afternoon and thru dinner and then the fight happened and now her mothers mad at me. Daughters pissed and tells me not to dump this on her. She is right and I will apologize to her after this post. I go down and try to talk to my wife and she does not want to discuss it. I won't stop because I'm desperate to hear her say its okay she's not mad at me. She keeps telling me she does not want to talk about it. Eventually she yells at me to go away and leave her alone. I am so down and sad I go up and apologize to my son for what I did and here I am.
I wasn't so bad, it wasn't a perfect parent moment but I stopped it. I was afraid he was going to hurt her. I stop a fight and everyone is mad at me. I was doing their dishes in the sink, WTF. I am going to apologize to my daughter.
What has upset you the most about this. So not ok for son to use physical violence, so not ok for daughter to engage in physical violence. Ok you raised your voice, what an wife disappears.
This is teachable moment. "Son sorry I yelled" " Son why do you think I yelled?" A conversation about violence towards woman not being ok is required . Including verbal violence I know I haven't been a good role model, I would love to see you learn from my mistakes.
D, well I get the need to apologize for dumping on her, that seems fair.
Do you also not think your children should be apologizing to you and your W for their behaviour. There are peace and then none.
Why are you responsible for their poor behaviour? This is not yours to own Mu.
How would you have liked to have handled this?
Personally I think you are being to hard on yourself. This sounds pretty normal stuff to me. The physical interaction between the kids is age inappropriate but still siblings get in each's faces.
Just some quick thoughts off the top of my head. Give yourself a break Mu. And if W is holding you responsible for what occurred, it really does demonstrate how skewed her world view is currently.
Hi Jelly, thanks for responding. All is well now. My 2 kids and I made up. I am hanging out with my son. What upset me is that I yelled. The fact that they were wrestlers grappling makes it understandable. I am hard on myself because I displayed yelling at the kids again, like the old me did. I know I'm not that man anymore. It's just a shame my wife saw me behave like that.
Then like a fool I make it worse by getting emotional and try to talk about with her and I piss her off. I am hard on myself because it went from a nice day, the 4 of us hanging out to her seeing old yeller.
We all make mistakes and backslide. See what you can learn from it and move forward. A perfect day isn't going to fix your sitch and neither will a bad day doom it. Consistent actions over time is what shows you are a changed man and you still have to remember this isn't all about you, its about her also. You could do everything right and your M be over or make mistake after mistake and it somehow work out. DB'ing gives us a better chance of it all working out but it doesn't guarantee it.
Don't beat yourself up so much.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
It does matter to me Jelly. Your opinion is very important to me but my wife can crush me with a word or make my heart sing with another. I think I give her to much power over me. I cannot live and die at her fancy. How did I become so desperate?
Fogg, your right also. I am so focused on this marriage that I let it affect everything I touch. I think I may have just learned something. Happy dance, an aha moment! I should drop the rope, stop and detach from fixing the marriage. Just live this life with kids and be kind to my wife.
