Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Notice that none of it has ANYTHING to do with WAW. Detaching is about YOU. Not believing anything is about YOU (in particular, not being controlled by her hints that you aren't trustworthy, or trying to steer your ship by her spew). No expectations is about YOU. GAL is about YOU. Taking care of yourself...you see the pattern
I think this is so important. When you talk about 'validating', while that's good, the fact is that until you are detached and in a better spot it really doesn't matter what you do. You can try to follow the rules (and should!) but the truth will seep out, either by your reactions, or by R talks, or by slips, etc. There is no way to bluff your way through. You truly have to let go. Not to win her back, but because you can't control the outcome and might not be able to.
All in way of saying make detaching your first priority. Validating can also lead to attachment and expectations (am I validating well enough to make her want to give me another chance yet???). Validating should ultimately be for YOU as well, not to win her back, but because you want to grow as a man and part of that is seeing the other person's point of view.
Later IITL.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
