Leap Year

[SciDad]

Ancaire, I think the key is to focus without focusing.

Yes, you are focused on saving the marriage. But nothing you do should be a direct try to change your H or save the R. You do what you need for yourself to grow, and occasionally check back.

I personally think constant focus is too stifling and counterproductive to DBing, but I would like to hear if anyone disagrees. I think the point of detaching is to allow for moments of inattention, where we focus on our own needs instead of what is needed for the marriage to succeed. This is scary because our needs might not match what our spouses want, but if we don't address that now it will only delay an eventual divorce. The idea for us is to know what we want, then present them to our spouses. If they can't fulfill our needs, screw them (not literally of course).

This, I think, is the key to a lasting relationship. Bombdrop or not, we need to know and express our needs to our partners so that both can be happy