Iwas asked to start a new thread, so I thought I'd do it by copying what had happened to throw me back on the crazy roller coaster ride. I still am having trouble wrapping my mind around this. I REALLY wished that I had listened better to the advice I was given. I would REALLY appreciate any input that you guys can give me on how to proceed. I can't afford to make another mistake. Hoping it's not too late.
Sigh......... Okay, I'm back here. I'm confused, in shock, angry, hurt, devastated, etc...etc...etc. Not sure what to think. Not sure what to do. Not sure what the hell happened! Got the rug pulled out from under me again. Didn't expect it. Guess I should have, but just didn't want to see it coming I guess.
I had been doing well (on the outside) with the no contact. Went for about 5 weeks, then just had to go see him. So, I did. He apparently had missed me a LOT and thought I had moved on and wasn't ever coming back. We had a great visit and the next day he broke things off with the OW. We began spending time together and we're seeing each other every day. He was great at first. I checked phone records and there were no calls to or from the OW and I was really starting to let my guard down a bit. We had a nice Christmas together (Or, I thought so anyway). He even bought me a beautiful (not cheap!) ring that he wanted me to wear as a wedding ring while I'm at work since I can't wear my other one while working. There were a few red flags, but I thought we could talk through them. He was becoming a bit controlling again by not wanting me to ride to work with my friend (female), and kept saying that "nothing had changed" like I promised it would. But, things HAVE changed. I'm wondering if he was referring to my children (all teenagers 18 and older). Said I had so much "drama" that surrounds me which isn't even remotely true. But, he said he wasn't sure he could handle the drama. He agreed to go to a counseling meeting with me last Wednesday. I thought it went well. I really did! He did mention the drama thing to the counselor, but couldn't be specific about what he was talking about. I worked the next night and then went to see him Friday afternoon after I woke up. He just seemed kind of withdrawn and quiet. Stupid me, I ASKED him what was wrong. That's when it happened. He pulled the rug right out from under me again. Said he needed some time alone and just wasn't able to deal with our relationship. WTF!?!? I, of course, in all my calmness and DB ways began crying and begging him not to do this to me/us again. In my head I was screaming STFU!! But, out of my mouth it came our more like begging and pleading. What was I thinking!
He really and truly seemed hurt and torn and the more upset I got, the harder it was for him. He was sitting there with tears in his eyes and looked like he was about to jump out of his skin. He looked like he was about to go into a full panic attack every time I even tried to touch his hand. As hard as it was for ME to hear that from me, my heart really went out to him. Not sure why I have to care so much more about everyone else than I do about myself. Anyway, when I didn't leave, he started putting his shoes on and said he was going to leave and go for a drive because he just couldn't stay there. I told him he didn't have to leave, that I would go. This is the absolute freaking best part here......
We were both standing in the middle of the floor and I was telling him goodbye...gave him a hug and a kiss and was reassuring him that everything would be okay. Then, there was a knock on the door. He went to answer it and I could just hear him ask the person what they were doing there. Then, he stepped aside and let them in. It was HER. The OW. Right there in the house with me and my H. I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't. Know she was going to be in town (she lives 5 hrs away). I was just frozen in shock. Didn't have a clue what to do. She walked right past me and said "HI!' In the most Phony and bubbly voice ever. Then, she went to his bathroom to get her bathrobe and curling iron that she had left there a couple of weeks ago. Seriously, a 5 hr drive for a robe and curling iron? I just felt like I was going to die right then and there. I got so nauseated and felt like I had just been ran over by a truck. She had to have seen my car there. Why would she stop? What was she trying to accomplish? WHY did he let her in the house? And, more importantly, why was he trying to replace me with someone that looked so TRASHY?
I talked to him for just a few minutes after that and then I left and so did he. As far as I know, he didn't get home till after midnight. I cried till my eyes were so swollen I could hardly see. They are still swollen today. Lovely look for me! I got up today and took a shower, got ready, and then went over there. He wasn't home. I tried to call him twice today with NO answer. I guess I have no choice but to start the 180 again.
This is SO unfair! We were doing so well, what happened? I just can't start this all over again. Dear God, someone please tell me that ther is something I can do. I am tired f being lonely,, sad, alone, etc. If anyone has any advice or words or wisdom, please shar them with me.
He really did seem like a scared little boy last night. Someone that just can't see a way out of their despair and confusion. He kept apologizing to me for doing this again after he promised me he wouldn't. Please help...I'm feeling desperate again over here.
Last edited by Cadet; 01/04/1601:32 PM. Reason: Link
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
