Im glad you're finding it easier to not contact H. It is the most difficult thing ever, to not contact the person you love who you used to be able to contact whenever you liked and as often as you liked. You are being so strong!
It is sort of getting easier, but the bursts of anger, confusion and pain(sadness) are still very much there. My IC said to recognize them, feel them, name them, and move on to a positive thought. In that vein:
New Years, I had a nice time with lady from office. Anger and pain at knowing H was at VH with people who were once friends kept creeping in, making me tired. I slept through part of our movie off and on. I drove home and slept.
The next day it was freezing out but beautiful blue skies. I had an emotional call w/ D1 in which I ended up venting my anger about the New Year's situation and becoming emotional. I apologized. I was in a hurry trying to go to a meetup that I needed like a life-line and was nervous but excited. That plus the night before's anger blew up on D1.
The meetup went very well. There was another lady there that I had met before and enjoyed so that made me happy, as I can see us being friends. There was a man sitting across from me who was very funny and personable and I practiced my new skill of making eye contact, smiling and validating with him and he started hitting on me! Not that I need to complicate things, but as s person who never really had a relationship or dated before meeting and marrying H 26 years ago, I needed to feel attractive and that was an ego boost. I left feeling happy.
I watched some TED talks later that eve on happiness, mindfulness, and positive thinking. That helped me to feel more at ease and positive. I was able to feel that I could stop trying to live in the future or past, stop worrying about things I had no control over and realize that what has been said on these boards about just working on YOU really was all that I could do.
The good calm feelings carried over to the next morning, when I met with D1 and SIL to see the new Star Wars movie. Unfortunately, D1 had to tell me that the day before she spoke to H and related how Bubbles' H was hurt while skiing (shouldn't have wished for bad karma on them...) with my H. Enter thoughts of H and VH party. Sadness and anger kept washing over me during movie. Good movie, though.
After movie, I saw that H had tried to call. I waited til I was driving home from D1's house to call him back. I DBed by being elusive in my answers to his questions (where are you, what were you doing, how was New Years, etc) but couldn't muster upbeat or friendly. I came off I'm sure as cold and mad (anti-DB as well). He talked about what to do about D2's car situation and I answered vaguely and hung up. Then felt bad.
I called him back and apologized for sounding ...mean. H's reply was that I could sound however I wanted to sound. So, I told him I didn't want to sound that way at all. That wasn't how I felt. I then told him D1 and I had gone to see Star Wars. He said he knew because before I called back he had spoken to D1 and she told him. He then said he was thinking as he left the ski hill of calling to see if I wanted to see that movie. I was taken aback by that. I let him know I would have loved that.
He also said he searched both parking lots for my car, as I had said I might ski this weekend. I told him it was too cold for a fair weather skier like me, but I would probably go next weekend since it is supposed to be warmer. Our conversation went on a bit more, and more pleasant.
So. Once again, what have I learned? Stick to the rules. Read them every day. GAL helps with you finding you and with positive feelings. Cheerful and upbeat interactions. Choose to be happy. No expectations. And, from today's church sermon (which I really need to chew on); forgiving another person is hard enough, forgiving yourself for your part in the situation is hardest of all. Be gentle with yourself.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
