W found a journal I had been keeping for when I visited my IC. I stupidly left it on my bed in my room and W walked in to place some of her jewellery in the room and saw it and read it.
It detailed my musings of why she is a self-destructive wife, her relationship with her Father, her depression diary that I had read.
Most importantly it detailed my daily log from 21st December , information on the sex toys that I had found, the two receipts for sex toys, and a list under a heading
Is this Really My Wife? - secret sex toys - uses amyl nitrate - has used cocaine - exchange phone number with cab driver - has a letter from cab driver - has taken sex toys to work - has bought bondage gear - flaunts herself with the clothes she wears - stays out to 5:30am - buys picture with $1000 - she hit me
She knows I have been snooping, going through her things. She feels violated, like their is an ' enemy in the house' 'can't trust me' etc
Of course she also brought up the huge argument on her birthday and said up to that point I was her rock as she faced up to the terminal diagnosis of her Father. During that argument I said ' why don't you come to me for support (instead of taxi driver) and then she realised it was all about me - not true of course. I just wanted her to stop pushing me away. She says at that point she realised it was over.
One thing lead to another and she insisted on a R talk saying the snooping had brought things to a head. I resisted an R talk but she insisted.
She wants a separation (2 years) and an amicable divorce. I stated my position - I want to work on M, believe in marriage vows, etc. and will not leave the house or help in any divorce process.
She said I am going back on what we agreed in Sept. ( I never agreed to anything although at the time I thought we needed to separate but changed my mind days later)
At the moment it's very tense, she says it like having a stalker in the house, and she can't trust me to not go through her things. She wants me out.
It feels worse than ever. She even asks me if still want to go to FIL funeral.
I'm trying to keep a low profile and of course no R talk. I have apologised for my snooping, and said I will not snoop again. I can't do more but let time earn her trust.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
